The improbable truth
by FutureTrunksFan94
Summary: Whoever said fate was fair? You know, you definitely do not get to pick who you become after you die. If it were my choice, I'd opt to be anyone else than being the titular Detective of The East, who is doomed to shrink into a kid. But maybe I can change things! Still, will people please stop dying around me? OC/SI as Kudo Shinichi, slightly OOC/AU Shinichi. Expect lots of snark.
1. Chapter 1 The Meitantei of the East

**A/N: I know, I SAID I WASN'T WRITING ANY MORE FANFICS. WELL, THIS ONE FUCKING SMACKED ME UPSIDE THE HEAD AND WOULDN'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER UNTIL I WROTE IT. S-So, yeah, let me just say I'm glad to be back in the DC fandom, you guys are all so awesome (with the exception of a guest who said Shinichi was OOC. Well, in this fanfic, you're gonna get your wish, buddy. Be careful what you wish for.)**

 **A-A-Anyway, I am very nervous over this idea, so please treat it with kindness!**

 **My** _ **very first idea for**_ **an OC/SI ever was of Detective Conan. But in fact, it was radically different. It was more like "girl dies, is spirit, Shinichi solves her case and helps her move on." It wasn't until I saw a sadly unfinished story of an OC as Shinichi that this idea even reared its ugly ass head. (I have far too many of these kinds of stories...) but anyhow, let it be known that whatever things I use to kill off a character, I'm not using again. I don't want to become repetitive.**

 **SO, TO SALTY ANON: I HAVE WATCHED DETECTIVE CONAN FOR NINE YEARS. NINE. YEARS. I KNOW SHINICHI LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND. HE IS MY ANIME HUSBANDO. SO YES, I WILL WRITE SHINICHI AS MANY TIMES AS I NEED TO. THANK YOU.**

 **So, welcome to my project I'm the most nervous to throw out there, which is an OC as the Shinichi Kudo himself. How different will the plot be if he never shrinks to begin with? And yes, I may skip around a bit in ages, lol. Only in this fandom can I get away with that joke.**

 **SO THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE TELLS ME I CAN'T WRITE SHINICHI, I'LL WRITE HIM SOME MORE. How about dem apples?**

 **AKA: More smart-ass, snarky Shinichi, and you know the drill. Dead people everywhere, it's Kudo Shinichi, for god's sake, the Murder Magnet. The death for the OC needs to make sense, though, it would not make sense for someone to die by a space shuttle explosion and then wind up in Conan. A realistic death would make logical sense, as Conan rests on logic.**

 **If this story becomes a "thing", I'll continue it. But I didn't expect Aureus Ductor to become a thing, either, but it did.**

" _The thing about real life is, when you do something stupid, it normally costs you. In books the heroes can make as many mistakes as they like. It doesn't matter what they do, because everything works out in the end. They'll beat the bad guys and put things right and everything ends up cool._

 _In real life, vacuum cleaners kill spiders. If you cross a busy road without looking, you get whacked by a car. If you fall from a tree, you break some bones._

 _Real life's nasty. It's cruel. It doesn't care about heroes and happy endings and the way things should be. In real life, bad things happen. People die. Fights are lost. Evil often wins._

 _I just wanted to make that clear before I begun."_

― _Darren Shan, A Living Nightmare_ _, /quotes/tag/reality_

* * *

 **Chapter One: The extremely improbable truth of my life (aka I see DEAD PEOPLE, everywhere)**

When people tell me life is simple, I'd like to punch them in the face, because, uh, that's really not the truth at all.

People live and people die-every day.

As for me-the person talking, relating this story to you-I am in fact, already dead.

Isn't that weird?

You're talking to a ghosttttt. Isn't that spooky?

Maybe I'll haunt your house.

Maybe I'll destroy things while you sleep.

 _Maybe I'll dress up in white and steal your jewels._

Just kidding, I'm not that kind of ghost.

I can be gotten rid of with only five yen.

One thing you must know about me is that I'm a nerd. A dork.

Call me what you like, but that's what I am.

In my past life, I was a huge anime and manga fanatic; the trait of nerd has still carried over into this new life, whoa-whoa, you might be confused, considering I said I was dead. Correction, I was dead, but now I am living another life as someone else.

Yeah, reincarnation is real.

Apparently, so are phantom thieves.

Anyhow, when I died in my old life, I was around eighteen when I died. My name was something like Kimmy. That's what I remember, anyway. Of course I lived in the United States Freaking of A.

I was just your cheerful, average ordinary girl, up until I died, of course.

So how did I die?

Stabbing? Nope.

Drowning? Nope.

Murder by jealous boyfriend? Nope.

Suicide? Nope.

Train accident? Nope.

I'm sure by now you're getting irritated and want me to just move on, so I will. So how did I die?

Well, I died in one of the most easily avoidable situations possible-a car crash. I think I died that way, you see, it's hard to remember and to be honest, I don't normally spend time thinking about it that much.

It was very early in the morning when my friends and I were going home from a party. We were all dead drunk. So we decided it'd be all right if one of us drove the others home. That didn't go over so well, (as well as you would expect drunken teenagers to be driving.)

The one thing I can remember is the car being on the road one second, and then one of us reached over for their cell phone and started texting-and then the next thing I know, I woke up to see that our car was now embedded in the guardrail, and pieces of glass were everywhere, including in my friends' bodies, and oh, there was a giant piece of metal sticking through the window.

Oh, and also I was riddled in glass too, and my left arm was broken. Somehow, my driver's door was open and I managed to crawl out and I was on the side of the mountain. I tried moving my arm. It was broken.

I cried out for help, but nobody came.

One of my friends was barely alive. I can recall shaking them, but the other two were already dead.

I tried to drag my friend out of the wreckage, but I was too weak.

I managed to drag her out of the way of traffic, at least.

Of course, death can hit us at the weirdest times. There was one thing that killed me.

I tried to drag myself out of the car, to get to safety, and then I found myself staring straight into a pair of headlights and then I was dead.

Just like that.

It was rather ironic, considering my friends were the idiots who caused that accident and I still had to die with them, well, innocent people die all the time.

That sounds familiar.

At that time, I'd been into a lot of anime, Attack on Titan, Noragami, however the anime that was closest to my heart at the time was Detective Conan. That was like my favorite series of all time.

I don't think I had a last thought, considering that I died so suddenly.

Thus is where my normal life ended and my weird one began.

* * *

Then, I awoke.

Holy crap, I should be dead.

Only, I was alive, and on a bed.

Was this the mortuary? If I was going to be next to some skeletons, kill me, please-oh, ha ha, I shouldn't say that, considering that I am already dead.

Yes, I have been told that my sarcasm is deadly. On many, many occasions.

It's a honed skill and something I wield with pride, thank you very much.

As I looked around, I realized this wasn't a mortuary, this was a room I definitely recognized from somewhere, I just didn't know where.

Oh wait, yeah, this is my bedroom, I sleep here every day...oh wait, that makes no sense.

But as I tried to reason this, I caught sight of my hands, they were smaller than I remembered. Less like the hands of an eighteen-year old and more like the hands of an eight or seven-year old.

Seven-year old? Oh my god.

Then I realized my feet didn't quite touch the floor.

Why was I suddenly a kid? That's weird.

Then the door opened and a blond-haired woman came in, giggling. It was a terrifying sight.

I recognized her from somewhere, but I didn't know where. That was the scariest part.

I was supposed to be dead!

Is this the first person I see when I die?

Someone this giggly couldn't be a Shinigami. Actually, I was expecting to see King Yemma when I died and remark on his mahogany desk. Guess not.

"Looks like you're awake, Shin-chan." She said.

Chan?

Why was I in Japan?

I was in an anime.

The use of the word -chan would imply that I'm in an anime, and that I'm a girl still.

"Okaasan?" I let my voice say, it was a very high-pitched one, like that of a child.

"Shin-chan, your father wrote another exciting page of his book today."

"He did?" I said, deciding to play along.

Wait a second, novel...?

"Here, Shin-chan, you dropped this." The blond lady handed me a book.

It was in Japanese and I could read it.

It said, "The Sign of Four."

Oh. My. God.

That was...Sherlock Holmes?

I swallowed.

This could not be real. No way.

Then, suddenly another tall adult appeared above me.

"What's wrong, _Shinichi-kun?"_

What the fuck did he just say?

Did he just call me Shinichi?

Oh my god.

And that's why when I looked in the mirror and saw that Kudo Shinichi was my reflection, I just smiled like it was nothing.

So apparently I was the Kudo Shinichi. Okay, nice to know.

But who thought it would be okay to put me in a show where people drop dead everywhere?

Oh yeah, in about ten years, I'll shrink and become a kid again.

Nice.

After I'd died in such a horrible way, now I was Shinichi, doomed to see people die in even more horrible ways. Wow, real nice.

No, wait, this was the worst possible thing.

I was a guy now.

That's awkward.

Maybe I'd always been Kudo Shinichi and had always been here and never realized it?

 _That's so illogical, even Holmes wouldn't_ -aw, crap, I'm thinking like him, too.

"Shiittttt."

"Where did you learn language like that, Shin-chan?" Yukiko said.

Oh crap, I'd talked aloud, didn't I?

"From Tou-san."

I'm gonna be like Encyclopedia Brown, except he was never bashed in the head, poisoned and forced to become a first-grader. Lovely life.

Very lovely.

* * *

(Time skip to around 16 year old Shinichi SI)

"Five more minutes..." I grumbled. This bed was nice and immaculate.

Unfortunately, the bang, boom and crash outside seemed to suggest otherwise.

A rumble was added to the din.

Oh great, what could go wrong now?

A dead person drops through the roof of my house?

I've had more than enough corpses drop dead around me. Believe me, it's enough to either harden you to the job or else make you wish you'd been put in some other anime. But hey, it's not like I can simply ask for a refund. It doesn't work like that.

No matter what happens, I am not stepping out of this bed, it is nice, it is comfy and I will punt to death anyone who says otherwise.

But when the noise became too much to bear, I just simply had to do something.

It's too early in the morning for this shit.

Ah, isn't high school lovely?

Well, it's much less fun when you're a dude now. And especially considering what universe this is, and how much it loves to torture its main protagonist, can you blame me for being paranoid as heck?

"Oii, Hakase, stop it!" I said, very annoyed at this point.

Okay, yeah.

You must have so many questions as to how I can be Kudo Shinichi and then have been someone else.

If I can do anything possible to prevent my shrinking into a child, I can do it, though I am not aware of how much, if any, control I have over my destiny. But hey, awareness is better than obliviousness, right?

So therefore, the next time a creepy, spooky, Man in Black goes running past me, I will know it's best to avoid him.

'Oi, oi, going through puberty a second time was bad enough, I'm not doing it again!' I thought in my head as this universe's version of Doc Brown came out from his wrecked laboratory. How does he manage to put all that back together so fast? Is he some sort of Time Lord?

I'm more or less the same Shinichi, I guess. Unless that makes me a Time Lord, too.

"Hakase, you need to stop destroying your house." I complained.

"Sorry to wake you, Shinichi-kun. I didn't think it would wake you-"

"When my house is shaken, it's hard not to wake up."

"There you go with your snark again, Shinichi-kun." Agasa said, chuckling, "I wanted to make an improvement to my toaster, you see, so I attached it to this and this, but then it caught on fire-and it touched some very expensive stuff and-"

All too typical. Still, this seemed like the perfect time to ask.

"Do you ever think there might be a time where I might need your help with inventions?"

He looked at me. "Shinichi-kun, normally you're dismissing my inventions."

Uh-oh, was I too out of character?

'Stick with the plot, Kudo, stick with the plot.' I hissed in my mind.

Imagine having people die everywhere you go. It even happened to me in the bathroom.

"But I'd be more than happy to help you in the future, Shinichi-kun!"

"I suppose I need to help you clean up first?" I said with a sigh.

* * *

Shortly after that, I returned back to my house and then heard my doorbell ring various times.

It was obvious as to who this was.

"Hey, Ran, I'm on my way!" I cried.

Why did she have to do that a dozen times?

Ah, yes, probably because she's Ran. Girls are like that. I would know, having been one once myself.

'Note to self, that's something even Haibara won't believe,' I thought in amusement.

"Did Professor Agasa blow up his house again?" Ran asked.

"He tried to improve his toaster." I said in boredom.

"He really caused an explosion like that?" She said in disbelief, her eyebrows raised.

"Yes," I said, chuckling, "You should've seen how burned the bread was."

Ran sighed. "Otousan made quite a mess yesterday, too. He thought he could cook really well and then we had to open the windows."

I laughed and fell into polite conversation with her, knowing that the worst nightmare was yet to come as we approached the school doors-fangirls.

Had I really been this obnoxious as a girl?

Somehow, they had shown up again.

"Shinichi, aren't you gonna greet your little fan club?" Ran asked, pointing over at the crowd of excited girls.

"Let's move on." I said, "It's a little annoying."

"Kudo-senpai! You were amazing in your latest case!"

"Kudo-senpai!"

Oh my god, no wonder celebrities prefer having anonymity.

You can't go anywhere without fans.

"I'm currently headed to class, Ojou-san, so please let us go."

"Is that also part of Holmes' game plan, Shinichi? Charming women?" Ran said sarcastically.

"Something like that." I said.

"Am I Irene Adler?" She asked.

I paled. "No, that'd be more like Sonoko..."

That reminds me of Hattori-so what do I do about him if I don't shrink?

Hattori will be a thousand times more annoying-I mean, the only reason Shinichi in canon was even able to get away with his cases for a while was because he was well, a little kid, and Hattori took no notice of him until one of the other cases.

When I'd watched the series, Hattori had been my favorite.

Now he's gonna be a rival, and a potential friend.

Whoopie-dee-do.

Oh great, there's Sonoko now.

"So, Ran, out for a date with your husband?"

Both of us turned red.

"S-Shinichi is just my friend, Sonoko-chan!"

"Whoever told you that is stupid!" I said.

"I saw Kudo-sama's fangirls all lined up, waiting to meet their precious savior." Sonoko said.

'Speaking of which, why was it in canon Shinichi only hung out with women before he was shrunk? Could it be that he-no, I am gay? There is no way I am doing Kaitou Kid! No way!'

There will be no Kaishin as long as I'm Shinichi. None.

The odds of me ever seeing that guy as anything other than a rival or annoyance is very, very low.

"Shinichi?" Ran asked.

"What is it?" I said.

"Your face was red. And for some reason, you were describing an anime episode to us."

Oh, great, I'm still into anime.

"You know, I know he's a mystery otaku, but he's that kind of otaku, too?" Sonoko asked.

"It was just a joke!" I exclaimed.

Essentially, this means if I stay as I am, I'm flipping the plot upside down. Sweet.

"Kudo, how do you deal with the girls always being after you? It's like they're robots! All they do is say your name over and over!" A guy said.

"Girls are annoying."

"Yeah, but don't you like having them all flock around you?"

"The kinds of girls I like are the strong ones. Those ones seem like groupies." I said.

"Deductive reasoning again." Another chuckled.

Well, it's been a nice, peaceful day with no deaths.

"Hey, Ran, do you want to go somewhere?"

Someone screamed.

Ran sighed and I sighed as well.

"Not again." Ran muttered.

"I bet it was nothing." I said, but still looking mildly interested.

"How about we go check it out and if it's nothing serious, we go somewhere else?"

She pulled at my jaw. "Are you sure you're the real Shinichi?"

"I'm sure I'm the real Shinichi, now please put my jaw back in place!" Is what I said in mumble-ese, until Ran let my jaw go.

"Still, are you sure you're not sick? Passing up a mystery case?" Ran muttered.

"I'm just fine," I said, smiling nervously.

Or was I?


	2. Chapter 2 Ran's take

A/N:Time for the next chapter of this story. In which we hear from another protagonist, Mouri Ran, and her thoughts on Shinichi. We never really get to see the intimate relationship these two have up until Shinichi becomes Conan and then we see that she really does care about him, no matter how many times she scolds him/and or yells at him over silly stuff. She really loves him. So in this story, how much will be changed by no Conan? Probably a lot.

I'll need to work in Haibara and Heiji into this story somehow, as Hattori won't need to go looking for Shinichi as there is no Conan after all. Maybe he will still wind up befriending the Detective Boys anyway, as they do look up to him, after all.

And to the hater anon, I will make marshmallows out of your hater reviews, so kindly leave, before you get pelted with a card gun or with some nice soccer balls.

I tend to wonder how Ran held up without Conan at her house.

 _""He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect for more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you."_

― _Bob Marley_

 _""Men aren't stupid, and you don't need a complicated set of rules to find a good one who loves you. Here's the only rule you need: if a man loves you, he will do anything he can to keep you around. Anything."_

― _Kim Gruenenfelder, A Total Waste of Makeup_

 _Chapter 2: On the Meitantei Otaku_

* * *

Who started this rumor that Kudo Shinichi is the savior of the Japanese police force?

That should go to my father, he's been in the business longer than that upstart.

Oh, forget it, I might as well drop the act. I'm not anti-Kudo Shinichi.

I know the guy well, after all-he's my best friend, we've grown up together and known each other since we were kids, and-I think I might...be in love with him.

However, he's a little...strange.

He really has a thing for mysteries.

He's really, really smart, so he's always figured out answers to murder cases. But for some reason, he tends to attract a lot of attention and for some reason, a lot of people tend to die around him.

He always solves them, and he's so calm about it. He always smiles, it's like he's seen it before. It's very interesting to watch. Watching Shinichi deduce these cases makes me agree with how people call him "The Modern Holmes", he doesn't even know how amazing he is when he does it.

Although, one thing I've noticed about him is that he seems to be very reluctant about getting into cars, or even driving them. I can remember when we were little, he was downright terrified of getting into one, panicking and getting all scared.

He's still afraid of car accidents, but don't tell anyone I said this. Shinichi honestly thinks that I don't know about his fear. I'm not the one who has bookmarked websites on how to keep himself away from a car accident, listed along all these manga websites and mystery websites.

It's amazing that Shinichi thinks I don't know that much about him when I do. I know he reads a lot of manga. It's lessened over time since we were growing up, but he's still very much a dork and a nerd.

Shinichi's not really what you would call a very macho guy. I mean, he did play soccer, but he's not really into sports besides soccer. I guess he's mostly been a nerd.

Despite his flaws, he's always been there for me, and I've always been there for him, no matter how bloated his ego gets, no matter how much he brags about his fangirls around me, no matter how many oi, ois or snarky remarks I have to hear, I deal with it all because I love him.

The worst part is that he hasn't noticed, or has he?

I also notice that he seems to have something against Kaitou Kid. He doesn't seem to like it when I talk about him.

Another thing I've noticed is that Shinichi likes art. He's not the best at it, he's a terrible singer, but he's not bad at art.

Mostly, he likes falling asleep in class. I think he spends way too much time on those cases and should be trying to study, but he gets good grades anyway. I don't think I'm ever going to get him to take a driving test, considering how terrified he is of cars, but that's all right, because he's Shinichi, anyway, and I'm fine with that.

I'll just have to teach him to not be afraid, that's all.

* * *

Today, we're both in school.

Sonoko-chan is busy gossiping, while I'm busy taking my notes for class. I look over and notice Shinichi-and several girls blushing while looking in his direction. He doesn't like it one bit. Now, he may toss them compliments every now and again, but I notice that he seems very flustered by all of it.

Of course, he is a sheltered kid, but could it be that Shinichi is gay?

'No, no, no! I mustn't think like that! Shinichi can't be gay!'

But, even if he is, I don't care, I still like him anyway. I'm fine with us just being friends, but is it weird that I want him to notice me like a regular girl, you know, not just a guy who is friends with a girl, but something more.

There he is, his gaze is lowered.

His eyes are on his paper and...it feels like he is paying attention, but maybe he's not.

Oh my goodness, he's staring right at me, and he's smiling. It's kind of a wistful smile, it's that half-smile he always does.

I think he caught me, he just turned away.

Maybe it's just a coincidence.

He's back to staring at me again.

Does he honestly think I can't notice?

In the last part of our class, I continue taking notes and then I notice that Shinichi's falling asleep. It was bound to happen, and of course, our sensei will immediately discipline him.

There is a loud slap.

The ace detective shoots up, blue eyes wide.

"Kudo Shinichi-san, what reason do you have for falling asleep in my class?"

"Uh, um...Sensei, I was working on a case last night."

The boys start snickering.

Knowing Shinichi, it's probably true. He doesn't have any girls, or does he?

I mean, he is famous now. Maybe he's already found someone, I wouldn't doubt it.

'Oh, come off it, Ran. Quit doubting!'

I'm so jealous of Shinichi. Some days, I wish my father could be famous and he could be happy again. But I hate feeling that way about my best friend.

"Can you tell me what the answer to this problem is, Kudo-san?"

Shinichi answers it, perfectly, like usual.

Shinichi is insanely smart in some areas, but in others, he's completely clueless.

If you ask him about how girls work, he'll just look at you and be like "Eh, why'd you ask me that?'

It's at times like that that I have to remind myself that yeah, as smart as he is, he's still a guy. But then, there are some strange things that he seems to know about women that puzzle me.

One time, when I had bad cramps and I ran out of supplies, I found a box of pads in my locker waiting for me. At first, I thought Sonoko-chan had given them to me, but when she said she didn't, I went to Shinichi and he told me his mother had given them to me.

Shinichi is oddly observant about some female things for a man. It's very strange.

Yukiko-san must have raised him well, but it's still odd, as Shinichi's never gone through periods and girl stuff, so why does he act like he knows so much about it? Is it because he knows me? It must be.

Maybe I'll ask him about it today just to tease him.

"So you didn't sleep well last night, Meitantei-san?" I tease.

He looks at me, "Ran...baarou, like I said-"

"I believe you," I say cheerfully, "By the way, Shinichi, how is it that you always seem to know when I'm having-"

"Having what?" He asks, looking at me in confusion.

"You're a man, so how is it you somehow know when I'm having lady stuff?"

His face flushes.

"Eh...oh you mean that stuff that girls get that guys don't?" He says smugly.

"Shinichi...I wanna know how you know so much about it!"

"Okaasan told me about it."

But I feel like that's not quite the truth.

"I learned about it in sex ed." But his cheeks are quite pink. "Enough about the subject."

"I took some notes for you while you were asleep," I explained.

His eyes lit up. "Thanks, Ran, that really helps!" He chirped.

The meitantei is smiling at me.

I must try not to blush. I try, and fail to hide it.

He can tell, can't he?

"Ran, why is your face red?" He asks.

Oh no, he can't tell. Or else he knows and he's...I mustn't think like this.

"Are you sick or something?" Oh shit, he's touching my forehead, even worse.

"I'm just fine, Shinichi!" I exclaim.

"Ah, if it isn't the two lovebirds!"

"Sonoko..." Shinichi mutters, taking his hand off my forehead and frowning. I don't know why, but for some reason, these two have hated each other since the day they met.

Sonoko has been my friend since we were little girls, but for some reason, she and he just do not get along.

"Eh, if it isn't the meitantei. Still not satisfied with your arsenal of fans?" Sonoko taunts.

"I can always fall off Reichenbach Falls and fake my own death." Shinichi mutters sardonically.

"If you did that, I'd be mad." I say.

"Enough to karate chop the wall?" He says playfully.

See, Shinichi is a very odd guy, but Shinichi is Shinichi, and I don't mind. Even if he is very intelligent, even if he is a nerd. He's still the same guy I've known all these years and nothing could ever change how I feel about him.

He's actually just a really sweet, loving guy. But, no matter how many times I tell Sonoko-chan that, she just doesn't believe me. Oh well.

"Shinichi?" I say while we're walking home together.

"What is it?" He says.

"You have stuff on your face. Is it from lunch?"

Before I know it, my hands have touched his cheek.

Oh god, he's looking at me.

"It's nothing, I can wipe it off myself." He says, a little flustered. "Eh, Ran, is there a reason you're acting so weird around me? Is it cooties?"

"Shi-ni-chi!" I growl, hitting the wall. Instantly, he jumps.

"Oi, it was just a joke." He says, holding his hands in the air as if to pacify us.

Another odd thing I've noticed is that when the wind blows while we're walking home-and it blows my skirt up-he's never once looked. You'd expect him to, since he's a guy and all, but he never has, not once.

I asked him once why he hasn't. Most guys would be looking, but he doesn't.

He gave me a strange, cryptic answer.

"Well, technically speaking, I wouldn't like it if you were looking at my underwear, so the same applies to you, right?"

He really is a gentleman.

I'm so glad Yukiko-san raised him.

When he starts talking about detective novels, it can be hard for him to even comprehend that he's on the same reality as me, but I really love seeing him be passionate about what he loves. I just wish he would notice me more, and I wish he would be more empathetic with my feelings.

Is it too much to ask for that I wish I wasn't a spectator in his life now?

It seems like he's always running off to go solve case after case and ignoring me.

Maybe I'm worrying too much.

* * *

"Oi, Ran!"

Shinichi's voice calls me back to reality.

"Eh?" I say.

"You're standing in front of your house," He says. "I guess this is where we part for the day."

"Yeah," I say, flushing. "Shinichi, there's something I've wanted to say. That is that I...I...like-"

Suddenly, Otou-san comes falling down the stairs. He's drunk again.

"Otou-san, really!" I cry.

"Hi, Ran." He says drunkenly. "Oh, you're here, too, you brat."

"Oi, oi, you could have some respect for me. I walked your daughter home." He complains, glaring at Dad, who glares back.

Uh-oh, I'd better split these two up before the tension gets to be too much.

"Shinichi was walking me home, Dad, he wasn't doing anything to me."

"Are you sure? I have my eye on you, kid." Kogoro says before he stalks back inside.

I start up the stairs and then stop. "Um, Shinichi, what I wanted to say is that I...I think you should study more! Anyway, um, I had a bad dream the other night where you disappeared, and I never saw you again. Can you promise me that you'll never disappear like that?"

An unusually dark expression crosses his face. "Ran. _Where_ did you get that idea from? A movie? That won't happen to me. I can handle myself."

"Shinichi, I'm being _serious_ here. Please don't do anything reckless, I'd hate to lose you." I say.

"Don't worry, Ran, I'm not going to go anywhere. I'm not going to go chasing after any suspicious people any time soon. I take my life very seriously." He says assuredly. "Thanks, though, for worrying about me. See you tomorrow."

And like that, he walks off, confident like usual, but is it just me or does he seem awfully serious?

It's almost like he knows about it. Has he dreamed about that before, too?

* * *

 **Shinichi's POV**

I cannot believe what I just heard.

Ran knows, she knows about the future of what could be my future.

How?

Have I given Ran psychic powers by existing here?

She knows that I might turn into Conan Edogawa and disappear.

 _Well, I won't let that happen._

My fists tighten.

I'd prefer to stay this age, thank you very much. Life is complicated enough having bodies drop around you without needing to worry about being seven again.

As I walk, the sun is dropping below the horizon, so I hurry my pace, not wishing to stay around the alleys at night.

As I turn the corner to my mansion, I notice that there's someone strange lurking outside it.

Oh no, is it one of those guys?

I freeze in place, watching the person.

It's a figure with a baseball cap on.

Oh, wait.

I think I know that person.

Tanned skin, dark hair.

There's no doubt about it. That's Hattori Heiji. But why is he here so early?

"Where's Kudo at?" I hear him say as I walk closer to my house.

"Oi, oi, could you not stand outside my house? I need to enter." I mutter in exasperation. This is not how I wanted to spend my day.

Hattori jumps, before turning to face me and gasping. " _K-Kudo_?! I knew it, this is where you live. I asked around about ya. I wanted to see the famous Detective of the East for myself."

I yawned before opening my gate. "Yeah, what for?" I paused. I suppose I can let him in, after all, he's not like Kaitou Kid or anything.

Hattori blinks before nodding and following me indoors. "This is a nice place you've got, Kudo. Heard yer parents left it in yer hands."

"Thanks. And you are?" I ask.

"Hattori Heiji, Osakan detective. I came to meet ya face to face." He says.

"Pleasure to meet you, Hattori." I say. 'At least I didn't meet him as a kid.'

"Yer not as cold as the rumors say ya are, Kudo. Was that yer girlfriend I saw ya with earlier?"

"S-She's not, she's just my friend. Did you come to challenge me or something?" I mumbled.

"Yes, I want to see which one of us is the better detective." He said, his eyes shining.

"As interesting as that sounds," I said, "I can't do it right now."

His eyes widen. "Why not?"

"I can do it some other day. Just not today. I'm tired. But I'll give you my number so you can contact me." I said, knowing I was going to have to deal with a very chatty detective.

"I didn't expect ya to be so down-to-earth. People always described ya as being very detached and full of yourself." He mutters, scratching his head.

"Well, they only see a detective's mask." I say.

"Ah, I see ya have a mystery library! Is that Ellery Queen up there?"

"Yeah."

"Agatha Christie, Doyle, Edogawa, yer parents really read some good stuff, huh, Kudo?" He exclaimed.

Oh my god. Does Hattori know how to shut up?

"Yeah," I said. "How long are you staying here for, Hattori?"

"A few days, at least." He says before getting up to leave. "Let's have our match in a few days, Kudo. I look forward to it."

"I look forward to it as well." I say, though on the inside I'm super nervous.

Just _what_ made Hattori come so damned early?

I can think about that stuff later. Right now, dinner is calling my name.


	3. Chapter 3 Little Hattori

**A/N:Hey, there guys. My college classes have started, and it's fun so far. As for Hattori shrinking, that sounds like a good idea. I might just do that, all right? As for how Haibara will get there, I'm not sure yet.**

 **Everybody and their mother has done this idea, from Kaito to even Akai being shrunk.**

 **As for whether or not it might be Kaishin, so far, Shinichi is having trouble getting used to being a dude and all, so in a past life, he's female, and it was awkward. Ran's really hot and I don't blame him for being attracted to her. Puberty all over again can make you a pervert, though he's more of a noble one, but still a pervert nonetheless.**

 **The one part of this SI that is most like me is my snark and my humor. The rest of him is nothing like me, however. I do have a lot of books in my home and I tend to be very socially withdrawn, much like my idol.**

 **I am so happy that this story has gotten some interest. I am very happy with this going on.**

 **College is going on soon, so I'm tryingto finish this before I have to go, but if possible, I can get this done when I come back from college, which should be around 1:30-2:00 ish. Next week of classes should be where the work picks up. I'll be sure to do well for my academics and for things at least. So anyway, on to the story itself.**

 **Chapter 3 I can't escape this hell, so many times I've tried, but poor Hattori is burdened by destiny's cruel hand**

* * *

There is one thing I must confess, it's a deeply sobering, startling and serious confession that will make you reconsider everything you know in your life.

Kudo Shinichi hates bow ties. That's right, I hate bow ties.

I know, and yet the kid I'm supposed to turn into uses a bow tie. Not as long as I have a say in it. I'm gonna make my fashion sense better, more presentable and less blinding.

Seriously, Shinichi's outfit as Conan is so stiff I can't see any kids being happy in it.

It's not like he doesn't try not to be obvious while investigating murders, he walks around them as a kid and acts like he does as an adult, when he's unshrunk. Yes and I _know_ unshrunk is not a word, I just contradicted myself.

Maybe I learned something from Kaitou Kid while I watched the series, which was that if you can break the rules sometimes, it's okay.

So as I was sitting there, going over my studies, I happened to pull out a _very familiar_ piece of clothing and it made me wince. This was...the outfit I was supposed to wear when I turned into Conan! There it was, the same ugly blue fabric.

I found myself thinking just one thing: Okaasan, why did you try to traumatize me as a child? What kid would be caught dead wearing these?

Oh, yeah. I sighed.

If I were to prevent myself from turning into Conan, it would save me a lot of time and trouble, but if I didn't, I would never get rid of the BO. Perhaps I could do a bit of thinking and figure out another way to take them down other than putting myself at risk, because as fun as the original Shinichi Kudo was, his decision to chase after Men in Black was not very smart at all.

I mean, what was my counterpart thinking? He's supposed to be a genius, he honestly didn't think he was gonna suffer some sort of repercussion? Wow, so smart, so edgy, Kudo, insulting your other self.

Technically not myself, but someone else. Oh well, I don't really care.

So as I was sitting there, going over ideas in my head, something suddenly clicked.

I could recall Sonoko saying something about me, along the lines of, I was a very rude, awkward and unlikeable dork. Well, maybe I should try and work harder on not being self-absorbed. Maybe that would help matters.

Let's be honest, Shinichi before he gets shrunk is a total arrogant ass.

I frowned then.

It had been a few days since I had heard anything from Hattori, but I wasn't that worried. We're detectives, after all, we can handle ourselves, although an odd thought struck my mind as I was sitting outside, kicking a soccer ball idly.

What if...Shinichi Kudo doesn't shrink and someone else does? My mind settled on...Ran. Fuck no, I would not let Ran shrink. Going through the horrors of female puberty, that's not something I wanted her to experience all over again.

I remember Okaasan having been very surprised by how I wasn't grossed out by the idea of female puberty, of course it's not like I said I had been a female in another life. She would not have believed me.

Of course, I remember her sticking me in dresses as a kid. Not that I really minded.

It was a link to my old life.

I get the feeling that if I wind up being seen as gay, that Okaasan will not mind in the slightest. My mind settled on someone else. What if it was Sonoko? Nah, even Sonoko would need help. As arrogant and cruel as she could be sometimes toward me.

What if it was Kaitou Kid?

Holy shit, Kaitou KID could not shrink, too much at stake there.

But would I really be willing to stick my neck out for the guy? I didn't really know him that well.

And then a cold dread settled in my heart. Oh, shit.

Who was the first obvious detective besides me? _Hattori._

Oh god, what if Hattori shrinks? I am so not letting that happen.

But I'll be damned if I let myself get shrunk. So what do I do?

The shrinking is bound to happen, it's not like I am Goku and can prevent everything from happening with magical powers or somesuch. I can't just teleport to locations and beat up Gin and Vodka. There's only so much you can do on logic alone.

'Nah,' I thought, 'The idea of Hattori being shrunk is ridiculous.'

However, when several more days passed by and not a word came from him, I got concerned. Can you blame me for calling his number to make sure he was okay?

Detectives have that paranoia.

"Oh, Kudo. Listen, I'm in a bit of a pinch. See, I stuck my nose in a case that I probably shouldn't have." He sounded normal enough.

My fists were tightening as I held the phone. This sounded too familiar. "Uh, care repeating that, Hattori?"

"Basically, Kudo, what I'm saying is...I'm afraid that I might have to leave Tokyo pretty soon."

Like that, he hung up.

From the sounds of it, he sounded all right, but you know, there's always the voice changing bowtie. But only Agasa has that kind of technology, right?

For a day or so, all was calm, but then that was when crap hit the literal fan.

* * *

I remember having been called out to a case...and it took place at...oh, oh, oh, guess the location, guess where it was. Tropical freaking Land. I was getting deja vu all over the place. I'd actually been here with Ran as a little kid, so it wasn't like it was an unfamiliar place.

Ran always said that every time I entered, I always looked like I wanted to get the hell out of there. Well, yeah, I did. It's where my counterpart shrunk, it has a lot of bad memories. I did not want to lose my sense of autonomy.

So pardon me, Ran, pardon my french, I can be a little goddamn paranoid, because I'm a detective. Copyright Shinichi Kudo, and you can't steal that from me.

So while I was there, I helped solve the murder case. I grimaced, I did not like the idea of being at this place, and then who shows up but Hattori?

"Oi, Kudo!" He said cheerfully, "To be honest, when I told you I would be on the downlow for a while, I actually was kinda sick, so I chose an excuse!"

I facepalmed. I'd been worried over nothing.

Hattori would be just fine, I think.

The I think wasn't enough to quiet the paranoid thoughts.

"Anyway, need my assistance?" Heiji asked.

"Sure," I said.

I wasn't surprised by how much Heiji's thinking matched my own. It was good to have a rivalry, however my knowledge of what was to happen played a part, too. It's cheating, I know, but hey, you take what you can use, right?

This Shinichi would so go in Slytherin, if it were real, that is.

"That was a nice case, wasn't it, Hattori? But it was a little grim."

"Sure it is, but most of them are." Hattori muttered, taking off his hat, "Aw, whoops," He muttered.

"What is it?"

"I think I dropped my cell phone." He explained.

"Seriously?"

"I'm gonna go get it."

"You sure you don't need someone with you?" I said, feeling a _lot_ of dread.

"I'll be just fine, Kudo, I can handle myself."

And at that moment, as he ran off, I thought only one thing: Shit.

Hattori's making an excuse, isn't he?

Where Hattori was going was nowhere near the place where we had been. Dammit, Men in Black, why do you _always_ have to choose the locations with a lot of people? Why can't you choose a subtle location like a dark alleyway, or the creepy, deserted country lane? Why an amusement park?

'Okay, okay, calm down,' I assured myself. I was going to take myself home from here, obviously.

I turned back and waited for Hattori to reappear. He didn't.

After that, my fears grew worse and worse.

'Holy crap.'

I ran off in the direction where I'd seen him go, and there he was, lying on the ground.

He did _not_ look good.

Those two goons who had done it were already gone, and Hattori was shaking. He was barely conscious.

I felt a flicker of pity go through me.

 _Why_ did it have to be Hattori?

Why couldn't it have been me?

Why had I selfishly wished this on someone else?

"Because I'm an asshole," I whispered.

Now, enough existential angst.

"Kudo," He muttered.

"How do you feel, Hattori?" I asked, knowing the answer to that question.

"I'm burning up...and freezing."

Uh-oh, not good. He was definitely under the poison's influence.

"Hattori, no matter what happens, don't be surprised."

"About what...?" He muttered, before he fell unconscious.

"Shit!" I cried, kicking the wall.

* * *

Shortly afterwards, I found myself carrying a smaller Hattori home, in clothes that didn't fit him. I sighed. How am I supposed to explain this?

I mean, a dark-skinned Osakan kid that bears a strong resemblance to Hattori Heiji just appearing in Tokyo will raise a lot of suspicion. At least Conan looked like an ordinary Japanese citizen.

Oi, I'm screwed.

I really am screwed.

But you know who's more screwed? Hattori, and that's why I can't leave him alone. He's literally gotten himself in a position that should have been mine to take.

* * *

"Kudo?" I heard Heiji's voice say, though it was several times higher than I remembered it as.

I'd managed to take him to my home and put him on a bed. Lucky for me I've got a lot of space in this house.

"You're fine, Hattori. Just...don't freak out."

"Why? Kudo, did you make me take some helium or something?" Then he froze as he stared at his hand.

"Whatever you do, don't scream." I said, and his eyes widened as he took in his reflection.

Yes, Hattori now looked like a seven year old.

"What the hell happened, Kudo, and why aren't you freaked out by this?" He demanded.

"You were...poisoned." I said with a sigh, running my hand through my hair.

"That's right, poisoned by those bastards! They hit me on the head."

"It's all right, Hattori. It's weird, but I read about something like this in a manga, so it's not too weird." I explained, telling a half-truth.

"Oh, yer that kind of nerd too, Kudo?" He snarked, giving me a very shit-eating grin for a kid.

"So, I guess I'll just call Kazuha and-" He paused.

"Whatever this organization wants, they might go after the people you're close to. So your friend might be the first one they check on."

I frowned. Should I really have Kazuha go through the same pain as Ran in the original timeline?

But Kazuha was a very smart girl, so...maybe she'll figure it out faster than Ran.

"Maybe you should tell her. I'm guessing that she'll probably figure you out."

He sighed. "Zuha's too familiar with me."

"For now, though, you can stay with me, Hattori. My mansion has a lot of room, after all."

"What excuse will you make for me?" He said.

"Well, you'll have to come up with a fake name for yourself, and Ellery Queen is too obvious."

"That's the name I was thinking of." He muttered.

"Well, obviously, nothing close to your real name, and a name like Conan would be too stupid."

Ah, yes, take another jab at canon, Kudo.

Hattori started snickering.

"What's so funny?" I said.

"Well, to be honest, Kudo, I dreamed about something like this happening, only it happened to you."

Ah, this is weird.

I thought I was the only person capable of breaking the fourth wall here.

"What name do you want for yourself? Like I said before, no variations on Ellery or Queen."

"Oi, what about this name?" He said.

"That is a good name...something that most people wouldn't think of. Hattori, just make sure it sounds Japanese enough."

"Oh."

"Besides, Harley sounds a bit odd to use as a pseudonym."

"You're Japanese."

"Ah, I thought it would sound cool, like the motorcycle." He replied, crossing his arms and sulking.

"Now who looks like a little kid?" I teased as I left the room.

"KUDO!" Was all I heard.

I chuckled. Well, whatever name he'll come up with should be a detective name or something. Nothing to worry about-

* * *

"Shinichi!"

Aw, crud, Ran's here. I didn't even tell her about the new guest.

"Shinichi, who's that?" Ran said, pointing at Hattori, who was now looking up at Ran with interest.

Ran knelt down to look at him. "What's your name? I'm Mouri Ran."

"I'm Hatto-"

"Shhh," I said sharply, "You're gonna scare him, he's not good with people."

"Oh," Ran said, looking at me suspiciously.

She knew something was up.

"Kudo-s-san?" He said.

Heiji was not a very good actor.

"My name is...H-"

Come on, Hattori, come up with a name that's believable.

"H-Haise Sasaki! That's my name!"

"Nice to meet you, Sasaki-kun!" She chirped, hugging him.

I looked at him in disbelief, my eyebrow twitching.

 _Seriously, a manga name_? And on top of that, it was a fake name that the character used. Can you be any more obvious?

"Haise-kun's so cute! But I swear I've seen you before. Shinichi, have you heard of the teen detective that went missing? I thought it was you, so I went to look for you."

I noticed Hattori's eyes soften for some reason.

"It's fine, I'm sure he's all right. Trust me."

"Well, I'll see you later, Sasaki-kun." Ran said, as she left. "I need to go make dinner for Dad."

I turned to face him. _"Haise Sasaki_? Really?"

"Yes, really, Kudo. I was looking through some of your manga over there. I thought it was suitable. Now it suits my life. I figured that name would be best."

"Well, unless someone's into comics, they won't know." I reassured.

"Ya saw the look on her face, Kudo. She was babying me. What if Zuha reacts in the same way?"

"I'm sure she'd be different, because she knows you. This Kazuha person can obviously tell the difference between you and some other kid off the street. Okay then, Hattori, let's get underway."

"With what?" He asked.

"Making your room, of course. You're gonna have to help me, of course."

"What? Kudo, you should be doing all of it!"

"Just because you look like a kid doesn't mean you can't do some labor." I said, ruffling his head.

"Oh, crap, my dad's gonna kill me!" He cried.

Oh yeah, Heiji's parents. They don't even know.

I suddenly pictured a certain professor from the manga of Tokyo Ghoul and froze.

Guess I shouldn't mention that to little "Haise" here.

Things were already difficult enough.


	4. Chapter 4 Heiji is a dead man

**A/N:Holy shit, I've had some amazing ideas for this story. Currently, as we speak, there is a horribly awesome thunderstorm going on outside. Hattori and Shinichi's POVs change constantly throughout this chapter, so I'll put a little "H" and "S" to let you now who it is that's talking.**

 **Anyhow, college began and it's been pretty badass. Plus, come on, a thunderstorm booming while I write for a mystery series-what better inspiration is there than that? Come on now.**

 **If it rains like this tomorrow, I might need to ride the bus to school. Ah, the joys of college. I really do love college, you have so much freedom. You can leave school when you want, do what you want, eat what you want. I feel more impelled to learn in co**

 **College-high school is so suffocating.**

 **Today, we will see our dear "Haise" suffer through the woes of being tortured by Kudo, his parents, Kazuha, and of course, the poor innocent Detective Boys. Hattori, I apologize endlessly, but you are fun to write this way.**

 **Chapter 4 Dear Agony, I want my pain to end (nice knowing you, Hattori)**

* * *

So, from that moment on, " _Haise Sasaki"_ started living with me. I say that with a _great_ dose of sarcasm. But along with that there came a whole new bag of problems-most notably that one "Haise" wanted to enter school.

"Ya know, Kudo, I can just go back to high school." Hattori snapped.

"Hattori, take a look at yourself and then reconsider what you just said." I said.

"What?" He snapped, "I can just say I'm a genius and that I skipped several grades in school!"

"And that doesn't sound weird or unbelievable in the slightest." I said, giving him a piercing stare.

He flinched. The seventeen-turned-seven-year-old sighed. "Kudo, you're right."

"Aren't I always?" I muttered in disbelief.

It's not like I lie-well, actually, yeah I do. I know all about what it's like to lie.

That's a long story, if you're asking about it. First, I had been someone else entirely in another life, then I'd died in a car accident and had woken up as Kudo Shinichi, of all people. Instead of me shrinking, the great detective, Hattori Heiji, wound up shrinking in my place.

Oi, it's not easy dealing with people dying around me. I'm sure people whisper and call me a shinigami who brings death. Yeah, it's irritating.

What's even more irritating is when you're a little kid and people don't take you seriously-I saw that firsthand when having taken Hattori out somewhere. I'd had to constantly make a show of it, reprimanding Hattori about going near a murder case.

And of course, I'd seen some adults shoot me some icy glares, wondering why on earth _the_ Kudo Shinichi would drag a child to something like this. Of course, they had no idea that the boy before their eyes was not a child. Oh well, ignorance is bliss, as Hattori once put it.

* * *

"It's all right, Megure-keibu," I said, "Sasaki-san here is very intelligent."

"Hm," Megure said, looking him over, "You look very familiar."

Oh shit, Megure, please don't figure it out.

"Is that a Kansai dialect?"

 _Oh shit._

"Um, he just likes imitating the Kansai dialect. You see, he really hates being a Tokyo person, he'd rather be an Osakan." I reassured.

"Oh, I see, like those comedy shows!" Megure said.*

"Ku-" Was all "Sasaki" had to say before I immediately put my hand on over his mouth.

"Shush, do you _want_ to get yourself revealed?" I hissed.

"Hm, speaking of which, Kudo, someone named Heizo Hattori has contacted me. He's very worried about where his son could be."

If I had ever wanted to see Heiji Hattori look so frightened, now was the occasion. He was literally pale and shaking.

"I-I need to use the bathroom!" He whimpered.

Heiji was such a terrible actor, oh well.

"Come on, Sasaki-kun," I said, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him into the bathroom.

"Oi, don't condescend me, Kudo!"

"Good excuse," I praised, "You're acting more like a child! I, uh, hate to say that, but..."

"Thank goodness you haven't started treating me like a child. This sucks! But, Tousan finding...out!" Heiji whined.

"Is he _that_ scary?"

"HE'S GONNA KILL ME!" He boomed.

"Hattori, you're in the form of a child. He's not gonna do anything!" I hissed back.

"But I can't sound like my old self!" He moaned.

I thought about it for a moment, what if I were to let Agasa be in on the secret? Right now, all he knew was that somehow I'd taken in a new guest.

Agasa and Hattori had gotten along pretty well, although Hattori had fought with him when Agasa mentioned his odd accent.

"You know, Agasa can help you."

"That _crazy_ old guy? I'll consider it." Heiji muttered. "There's no doubt what Kaasan will think...and... _K-K-Kazuha._ " He whimpered.

"I'm sure she's worried about you, given that it's been over two or three weeks," I said, "You'd better call her!"

"But it's not like I can imitate my old voice, Kudo!"

This was going to be hard, having to explain to Hattori Hanzo and Shizuka Hattori how exactly their own child could shrink, and hopefully they wouldn't kidnap him. I had never liked it when Yukiko and Yusaku had pulled that stunt with the canon Shinichi.

That's why I'd been so wary of shrinking, I was terrified that they would pull the same shit. As good parents as the Kudos are, Okaasan and Otousan sometimes do some rather inappropriate things when it comes to caring about their son. Let's just say Hakase was not surprised in the slightest when they abandoned me to go gallivanting around the world.

Kudos are good parents? Yes, but I can't exactly give good Kudos to them when they'd rather go exploring the world than take their child to them-and yes, that pun was intended. I kill myself with my own wit.

Not that I really minded that much, I didn't because it gave me the freedom to continue living in Tokyo and do this detective thing.

* * *

Which is why I wasn't very surprised when the phone rang a couple days later and I wound up talking to none other than Heiji's dad.

"Hello?" I said.

" _Who might this be_?" A deep, stern voice said.

"You're speaking to Kudo Shinichi, the detective of the East." I explained.

"I have something for you. I need you to look for my son, Hattori Heiji."

Oh crap, it was Heiji's dad.

What was I supposed to say? I'm sorry, Heizo-san, but your son _shrank_ and can't come to the phone. Like he'd believe that.

Speak of the devil...

"Who's callin' so early in the morning?" Heiji mumbled, coming down the stairs one at a time, nearly stumbling over himself.

My face went pale.

"Kudo,what is it? What's wrong?" Heiji asked, having reached the bottom of the stairs at this point and staring at me with curious eyes.

"Heizo-san, I need you to listen to me. Something very unbelievable has happened."

"H-Heizo? Do you mean...?" Heiji muttered, sweating.

" _Sure, what is it?_ " He asked.

"Um, well, your son didn't _just_ go missing." I said, "Here he is right now."

"K-Kudo?" Heiji whimpered, looking very pale upon seeing me hand the phone over to him.

"Your dad? You can handle him," I whispered.

"Easier said than done," He yelped. "H-Hello, Touhan?"

" _Who is this? This can't be Heiji._ "

I took the phone back. "Um, listen, this might sound unbelievable, but your son ran into some trouble with-"

"Some guys in black! I was at some murder case, Touhan, they hit me over the head, gave me a poison and it made me a kid again!" Heiji snapped.

" _How do I know that this isn't just some trick_?"

" _WHO ELSE HAS THIS OSAKAN ACCENT, TOUHAN?_ " Heiji yelled.

" _Ah, I'd recognize that temper anywhere, that's Heiji's temper. But what on earth were you thinking? That was very irresponsible of you, Heiji_!"

Heiji winced. "Sorry, Touhan."

" _I will have to relay the news to your mother, and of course, we have to come see you soon_."

"But, Touhan, right now, I'm thought of as missing!"

" _Idiot boy, you don't think we won't disguise ourselves_?" Heizo snapped.

"I'm sorry for doubting you, Touhan!" Heiji yelped.

" _Believe me, Kazuha has been asking us 24/7 where you've been. You'd better tell her, too_." Heizo snapped.

"K-K-Kazuha? Hahahaha, yes, _Kazuha_ was the one I wanted to tell first!" Heiji laughed awkwardly.

" _Heiji, you're a bad liar._ " Heizo scolded, " _Put the Kudo kid back on the line, I have something I need to tell him."_

"Okay..." Heiji said, shaking as he handed the phone back to me.

At least my dad wasn't _that_ scary, it was mostly mom who was.

" _You are Kudo, right_?" He said.

"Yes."

" _Thank you for looking after my son. If there's anything I can do to repay you for it, let me know. My son might've been dead if it weren't for you. When I first heard about you, I thought you were just some egotistical detective brat_."

'Oi, oi, not this again,' I thought.

Just because I had a rivalry with Hattori did _not_ make me arrogant.

"I didn't even _know_ he was my rival until he showed up at my house and told me."

" _Oh, well, Heiji was very vocal about it, I guess he was the **only** one who thought it was a rivalry_ -"

"HEY!"

" _Kudo, listen. What is the alias he goes by_?"

"Haise Sasaki," I said, "It's from a manga."

Heizo laughed. " _That's good. Knowing Heiji, he probably wanted to go with something like Ellery Queen_!"

"That was my first suggestion..." Heiji moaned, looking very terrified.

" _Well, I suggest you get prepared, because Kazuha is coming_!"

"WHAT? YOU CAN'T HAVE KAZUHA FIND OUT!" Heiji yelped.

" _She's been crying her eyes out over you and I won't have it anymore. Heiji, if you care anything at all for her feelings, you're either going to present her with a believable story or else she's going to give you some professional aikido lessons._ " Heizo said sternly.

"I'm sorry, Touhan! I'm sorry if I disappointed you and mom!"

 _"I will tell Shizuka shortly_."

"It was nice talking to you, too, Dad!" Heiji said, as he hung up.

I turned to look at Hattori, who was sweating visibly. "Is your Otousan always that terrifying?"

"Always! But now, I need to hide! Hide me anywhere! Who knows what Kazuha will do if she finds out?" Heiji said, sweating even more.

"Oi, oi, weren't we in agreement that you were _going_ to tell her?" I said, folding my arms and staring the chibi tantei down, who cringed.

"Y-Yeah, but it's a lot different when I know that she's been crying over me! It's something completely different! I'm not even sure _why_ I'm frustrated!" He snapped.

"Oi, oi, don't tell me that you...?" I snarked.

"WHAT? SHE'S JUST MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND, KUDO! NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS! DROP IT!" Heiji snapped, though his childish voice made it hard for him to sound remotely intimidating.

Oi, oi, was this idiot really so oblivious?

"By the way, Hattori, you've been here for a couple of weeks at least. I think it's about time you..."

"I what?" Heiji asked, now examining one of my mystery novels.

"You go to school again."

"Yeah, back to high school!" He yelped, "Can I go to your high school with you?"

"No, you'll be going to elementary school."

"What? Kudo, you've gotta be insane. There's no way in hell I'm going to elementary school!" He yelled.

"Shush, you're making my ears hurt, baarou!" I snapped, "First, you forget what you look like right now. Second, if you want to be realistic, you're gonna have to go in elementary school in order to conceal your true identity. I'll register you soon enough. You can find kids your own...physical size to hang out with. They're smarter than you give them credit for."

I thought of the Detective Boys and then smiled.

"Oi, Kudo, you're really cruel," Heiji moaned.

"Don't worry, everything will be fine. Just try not to act like a not-child and you'll be okay." I said, smiling.

* * *

Heiji's POV

Darn it, Kudo, what were ya thinkin', stickin' me in an elementary school?

The kids talk too much, they're annoyin' as hell and they hurt my ears!

How could Kazuha and I have put up with bein' kids?

My life has been utterly ruined.

I met Kudou, who's turned out to be a great ally in the long run. For some reason, he claims to know everythin'.

He has a foul mouth, he's very sarcastic and snarky. Believe me, ya don't know real snark until ya've heard the Kudou snark. It's amazin' how much he's used to people droppin' dead around him. I still don't understand why he wasn't surprised by my being poisoned, but ya know, he's a detective, this probably ain't the weirdest thing he's seen.

Ah, that's right. Up until a few weeks ago, I was Hattori Heiji, the famous Detective of the West. Then I wound up bein' poisoned and wound up in the form of a child, so I've been stuck lookin' like this and goin' by the name of Haise Sasaki up until I can get some revenge on those people who shrank me.

"Um, Sasaki-kun?" The teacher said, "We're waiting for you to tell us about yourself."

"Um..." I said, swallowing, "I'm Haise Sasaki! I'm from Osaka, so don't make fun of my dialect, I'm new to Tokyo, and I like k-kendo!" I snapped, pretending to be self-conscious.

"Come sit over here by us!" A brown-haired girl with blue eyes said, waving her hand at me eagerly.

Oh boy, I already have a fangirl.

As I sat down by them, I didn't even notice two boys givin' me the death glare until they came closer to me.

"Osakan, eh?" The fat boy said, "Ayumi-chan is off-limits."

"Why would I be interested in her like that?"

Both of them flinched. "It's nothing!" They both said awkwardly.

Children are so easy to read, ain't they?

Still, what was Touhan thinking, sending Kazuha over? What if she got into trouble? She's so hot-tempered that she can easily pick some fight!

I flinched as I thought about her crying over me. I'd really messed up Kazuha.

I needed to make it up to her. I'd been a callous jerk.

'But first,' I thought, 'Get me out of this elementary school.'

"All right, children, now what's two plus two?"

Oh my god...I slam my head on my desk.

* * *

"How did your first day go?" Kudo asks me as I walked out the door.

"The kids...wanted to form a detective club. They talk about you non-stop." I say.

Kudo raises an eyebrow. "Oh, they do now, do they?"

"Oh, it's Kudo Shinichi!" The three detective boys chirp.

"I'm Ayumi, this is Genta, and this is Mitsuhiko! We're the detective boys, and Sasaki-san has joined us!" Ayumi says eagerly.

Kudo smiles, and I can tell he's either happy or irritated by the attention. Probably irritated.

"Are you guys getting along with him?" He asks.

"I really like Sasaki-kun!" Ayumi chirped.

"You guys must be nice to him, his parents got in a tragic accident and all," Kudo says in a very sympathetic tone.

 _What?_

 _ **What** **the** hell, Kudo?_

"An accident?" Ayumi asks, looking at Kudo in curiosity. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you see," He says, "His parents recently went up to heaven in a car crash."

"I'm so sorry, Sasaki-kun!" Ayumi moaned. "That must stink!"

"I'm looking after him now," Kudo says, smiling smugly at me.

"We're sorry for how we treated you!" Both of the brats from before said, bowing.

"It's no problem!" I said, "Let's solve some mysteries in the future!"

"YEAH!" All of them chirped.

Maybe this wasn't so bad. But I was still going to kill Kudo when we got home.

"Kudo, what gave you the idea of making up a phony story like that?" I demanded.

"To get those kids to lay off you," Was his reply. "You saw how they were around you and their girl."

"Their girl?" I said, "Look, I wasn't thinkin' about that! There ain't even a girl out there that I like!"

"What about that Kazuha?" He says cheekily.

"Kazuha? She's just a pain in the ass and it's not like I see her as anythin' more than a friend!" I snap, my cheeks red.

Wait...what is Kudo even talkin' about? She's just a pain in the ass, difficult girl, it's not like I like her or miss her or anything!

When we got home, however, my cell phone started ringing. I checked the number and winced.

"Shit."

"Who is it?" Kudo asked.

"K-Kazuha," I said shakily as I answered, trying to make my voice lower than it currently sounded.

"H-Hello?"

" _HEIJI!"_

I jumped ten feet in the air and nearly dropped the phone. " _K-K-Kazuha_?" I said shakily.

" _SO YOU ARE ALIVE AFTER ALL, YA AHOU! WHERE ARE YOU_?" She boomed.

"Yer the ahou, 'Zuha!" I snapped.

" _Heiji, what's wrong with yer voice? Do ya have a cold_?" Kazuha queried.

"I have a cold, Kazuha, that's why ya can't come see me. I'm deathly ill."

Kudo facepalmed and gave me a thumbs down.

" _Heiji, I talked to your parents, they said you aren't home. The last thing I knew, ya were goin' to Tokyo to see that Kudo guy and now ya have a cold! I'll have to come to Tokyo and take you home myself_!"

 _What._

"Kudo, help me!" I begged.

The smirk that Kudo sent me indicated that yes, he was all too familiar with this situation. He probably got into that a lot with that Mouri girl of his.

"K-Kazuha, you might wanna reconsider." I said.

 _"No!_ " She snapped, " _I'm headed over to Tokyo and we're goin' back to Osaka!_ "

"You can't!" I snapped.

" _Why not, Heiji?_ "

"Because I got involved in a really bad..."

But upon seeing the glare that Kudo was sending me, I sighed.

"Y-Yeah, you can come over and see me, Kazuha!" I said cheerily.

" _That's good, Heiji._ " She said, " _I knew we would get along."_

As I hung up, I turned to Kudo. "Women are terrifying."

"Oi, she's worried about you, you know." Kudo said.

"I suppose ya would do the same if that Mouri girl was worried about ya?" I asked.

The glare he sent me told me the answer to that question.

"Aha, ya like her, don't ya?"

"Do not." He grumbled, but there was a blush on his face.

"Ah, Kudo, so yer not gay after all!"

The soccer ball he sent flying at my face told me that I had said too much.

* * *

S's POV

"And so, Hakase," I explained, "He is actually not a regular kid, he is my rival, Hattori Heiji, who got shrunk into a kid by a drug he was given by some organization."

"Is that true?" Agasa asked. "That's unbelievable, but I can help you if you need anything, Hattori-kun."

"I need something to change my voice with!" Heiji said, "Something that makes me sound like myself! Because Kazuha's gonna get here and she's gonna find it odd that I don't sound like me!"

"All right. I can definitely make something for you, Hattori-kun."

"I'm pretty sure Hakase's reliable," I said to Hattori, who was still glaring at me.

"Sasaki-kun, Shinichi!" Ran cried, coming up to both of us, "I met this nice girl! Her name is Kazuha!"

Instantly, Heiji's face turned five shades of red. "As a matter of fact, Kudo, we should really get going-"

"Hold on," I cried, grabbing his hand. He had apparently forgotten I was older than he was physically right now.

"Kudo!" He whined.

"Look, you're gonna play your part. Then, you're going to get in there and tell her _everything_." I said sternly.

"Kudo..." Heiji whined.

"I'm serious. You're gonna tell her everything because I'm not gonna have you make that girl cry. Listen, girls are a pain in the ass, but you have to make sure they're satisfied."

"All right..." Heiji whined again, "But what about Mouri-han? She doesn't know..."

"It's gonna stay that way." I said, "Ran is good at keeping secrets, but Sonoko is a blabbermouth, so no."

Kazuha looked the same as she had in the show. Except her face looked tired and worn out.

She didn't deserve to be lied to.

I sure hoped Hattori didn't back out of this.

"You must be the detective of the East. I'm Kazuha Toyama."

I shook her hand. "Nice to meet ya, Toyama-san! I'm Kudo Shinichi."

"I wonder where Heiji is. Heiji..." She snarled.

Beside me, Hattori winced.

"Who's Heiji?" Ran asked.

"Oh, my best friend, Hattori Heiji. He's a detective."

"Oh, that's the boy who went missing? I'm sorry that happened to you, Toyama-chan." Ran said sympathetically.

"I know. I get so worried about that idiot, and yet he's not here. And who might you be?" Her eyes fell on Heiji, who was now sweating visibly.

"I'm Haise Sasaki! Nice to meet you!" He said, in a clear Kansai dialect.

 _You idiot._

'Baarou, don't use your accent!' I thought.

"Are you from Osaka?" She said, "That's so cute."

But then as she looked him over, her eyes widened.

"Excuse us for a second, Ran, we need to talk inside." I said, nudging Hattori.

"Kudo-san, I wanted to talk to Ran-onee-san!"

I nudged him forward.

As we went inside, Kazuha turned to both of us, but her gaze was clearly on Heiji.

"So you've been living with Kudo Shinichi, huh?" She smiled.

Had she caught on? Somehow, I thought she had.

"So, what's yer name, Oneesan?"

Heiji was so bad at acting... _that no one would fall for it._

Kazuha's fist slammed against the wall a second later.

"I know you ain't a kid," She snapped. "Do you really think it's coincidental that there's a little boy around here with a plain Osakan accent, dark hair, and tanned skin that happens to bear a great resemblance to my best friend?"

Uh-oh.

She knew.

"HEIJI!" She boomed. "You're going to explain everything this second."

"I-I'm _not_ Heiji." He whined, looking up at her convincingly.

Kazuha still stared at him. "Heiji, that acting of yours is so bad, even Kudo can't be fooled by it!"

I started snickering a little, but paused. "Sorry to intrude, Toyama-san!"

"Now, Heiji, you're gonna tell me everything."

"I'm gonna give you two some privacy!" I said, "Have fun with Kazuha-onee-san!"

"KUDO!"

* * *

Heiji's POV

Kazuha is now glaring at me. I look like a kid.

There is no escape.

"Heiji," Kazuha growls.

"Aho, yer the same as ever."

Her fist slammed against the wall.

"I got so worried when you didn't return to Osaka. You wouldn't answer your phone. Shouldn't you have called me if something like this happened? However the hell this is possible, yer obviously Heiji!" She said.

"Ahou, I didn't think ya would believe-"

"Ya couldn't even hide your obvious Osakan accent, Heiji. You suck as an actor, you always have!"

"It's not like I missed you or anything!" I snapped.

"Well, I was crying over you! You're such an insensitive jerk, why couldn't you just come to me?"

Oh god, Zuha's bringing on the tears. What do I do?

Was that laughter I heard?

Kudo was laughing.

But then it stopped.

For some reason, he was pitying me. That ticked me off.

"Kazuha, I got into a bad case...there were some dangerous people involved. They made me look like this, and if ya get involved, ya could be hurt."

"Ya think I don't know that, Heiji? My best friend could've been murdered! I'm gonna have a lot of fun with this."

Uh-oh, she's got a scary gleam in her eyes.

"What're ya thinkin'?" I mumbled.

"Well, I was thinking you could have an Auntie Toyama!"

"No, Kazuha, you wouldn't dare!"

"It's revenge!"

Oh god, Kazuha, why?

"Women..."

Instantly, Kazuha nearly judo chopped me.

"Heiji..." She said innocuously.

"It's nothing at all..." I muttered.

"He is a terrible actor." Kudo remarked.

"Oi, whose side are you on?" I snapped.

"Thank you for looking after this idiot here." Kazuha remarked.

* * *

 _S's POV_

Kazuha is _still_ just as terrifying as I remember her in Detective Conan.

Obviously, I'm glad she didn't punch my lights out.

She is definitely still angry with Hattori, from all the death glares she's sending him.

Love stinks.

Oi, oi, can't these two just kiss already and get it over with?

"So what's your punishment?" I asked when we were alone.

"She's gonna be my aunt...and torture me." He moaned.

"That sounds fun." I said sarcastically, "Girls are impossible. I would know."

"Livin with that Mouri girl, I take it?" He snarked.

"Yeah, that and also being associated with Sonoko." I said, deciding to leave out the part about my having known from a past life.

"Well, Kudo, it's not like ya have ever been a girl."

"Nah, not really." I said, shrugging.

Heiji was really in deep shit.

The only question that was on my mind now was...would Haibara still come looking for us? And if so, were we going to be able to make an antidote for Hattori so he can go back to being normal?

I was determined to help Hattori not look like this forever. Being stuck as a child was no fun and I could tell Hattori was upset by how much he'd hurt Kazuha. But at least she wasn't being lied to. She knew and that made things better. Their relationship might change, but at least it wouldn't be tinged with lies and false promises.

* * *

*-This refers to how characters from Osaka are sometimes made fun of in anime, like in Cardcaptors. It's something where they have two puppets, and the puppet has an Osakan voice and is usually an idiot who gets hit over the head, it's kinda like a Three Stooges act. I don't know that much about it, to be honest, but I know that Osaka and Tokyo usually have some rivalry with each other, which is where Shinichi and Heiji's rivalry stems from. Though it seems more one-sided with Hattori being the hot-tempered one, who thought Kudo knew of him, when Shinichi honestly didn't know who the heck he was. This is obviously different here, though. And yes, I'm going awfully easy on Shinichi right now. He's not perfect. And in the future, I swear to actually write a decent mystery case. I've been avoiding it because I suck at them, but this is DETECTIVE Conan, it needs some mysteries. And I need Shinichi/Heiji teaming up and solving a case. So if anyone can give me ideas, that'd be nice.


	5. Chapter 5 Great minds don't think alike

**A/N:Well, second week of college classes! I think I can take it, only my muses are being brats. My muse is currently guilt-tripping someone into liking him via his past self who was abused as a kid. Awkward. Well, today, I discovered I was surrounded by a porch full of carpenter ants. Needless to say, poison is going downstairs soon. I ain't sleeping with those giant, creepy fuckers around.**

 **Au contraire, I saw the baby spiders that were in my room again. They've gotten bigger. Lemme tell you about them. They were all siblings. I let one of the siblings go outdoors. It might just be the one that built a biggg web outside the window. They are so cute, they never stray far from each other. They are bigger now and they will protect me from the ants. :D**

 **I'm very surprised by how many faves and follows this story already has. Anyhow, I like my college classes...the thing is, I was thrown out of one class just because I'd already gotten a "credit" in it even though I'd made friends and the teacher was nice. My asshole of a college counselor wouldn't let me stay in the same class. So instead of me getting home at 3, now I'll be getting home around 4 thirty on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Fuck you. Seriously, that pissed me off. She's such a witch.**

 **They are baby Daddy Long legs, I think. I'd rather have Daddy long legs than gross ants in my room. Anyway, on to the next chapter. In which Kazuha torments Heiji, Shinichi's fear of cars is exploited, murder happens, Kaitou Kid appears and we see Hattori and Kudo solve a murder as well as go to Osaka to meet KID in the next chapter.**

 **Thank you for always being there for me.**

 **We're gonna bring Haibara into the equation and I'm not quite sure how that's gonna work yet. It depends on whether or not her sister is killed-it greatly rests on Shiho. The main reason Shiho was targeted was because the BO suspected that she might be as bad as Akemi. I guess she'll make the antidote for Hattori and live with Agasa.**

 **That sounds about good, but since Kazuha knows the secret, it might be a bit more difficult to keep it a secret, especially about Heiji being uh...a kid. It's not something a lot of people think of. The problem is Hattori is more outspoken than Shinichi, so he might have trouble fitting in. Besides Shinichi, who is still the main character, Heiji is the deuteragonist.**

 **And it's about time that the Kaitou Kid appears!**

 **So as to whether or not there are any cases, well that remains to be seen. Basically, this series will be following canon, only with major differences.**

 **Either way, though, I support all you guys! I won't let asshole college people get me down!**

"Together we form a senseless paradox."-Chris Jamie, Eulogy.

"The most empowered relationships are those in which each person lifts the other to a higher degree of their own being." Pierre Del Charden

Chapter Five Great Minds Really _Don't_ think Alike (A nightmare on Beika street)

* * *

"Oiiii, Kudo! Kudo!"

I could hear the loud, piercing shrill of the seven year old's voice, but for some reason, I wasn't listening.

"KUDO!"

I heard the sound of pounding footsteps charging up the stairs. I didn't care. I had to know who the culprit was in the mystery novel I was reading.

The next thing I knew, suddenly there was a scream of my name again and the door slammed open. "Oi, Kudo, I've been tryin' to call ya!"

"Shhh," I said smugly, watching his face turn beet-red in anger.

'Kudo!" He snarled, "Stop treating me like a child!"

"Stop acting like one, then." I remarked before sticking my face back in the book and turning the page.

The Osakan tantei was definitely pissed.

"Where's your Neesan?" I said sarcastically.

Suddenly, the door banged open and Kazuha came in.

"Heiji!" She shrieked. "What do you think you're doing? Just because you look like a child doesn't mean you should act like one! Oh, hi, Kudo!" She said cheerfully. "Heiji here needs to learn how to knock before opening the door."

"Hey, Kazuha, it's not my fault! It ain't my fault that one day I heard ya screamin', I thought ya were in trouble, so I opened the door and-"

"What? What was this time you spoke of?" Kazuha said cheerfully but with an ominous aura.

Hattori flinched. "It was one time...in h-high school. I opened your door and you were there...but you were n-naked..."

"Heiji..." She shrieked.

The next thing I knew, there was a sound of a judo chop.

"HEIJI!"

The shrunken teen was now running for his life.

Ah, yes, I've been dealing with these two for a couple of days. Kazuha Toyama has officially established herself in my life.

She had gone back to Osaka, but after hearing the truth about what had happened to Heiji, she's decided to stay here for a little bit and look after Hattori. She's going to Teitan High for a little bit.

Poor Ran, though. She'd thought Kazuha was nice enough, but now Kazuha is playing the jealous girl like usual.

 _"Say, Kazuha-chan, what's Hattori-kun like?"_

 _Kazuha jumped. "Do ya like him or something?"_

 _"I-I don't, I just wondered what he was like, that's all." Ran muttered, playing with her hands._

 _'Girls,' Was the only thought I had drifting through my mind as I walked alongside them to Teitan High. That was a couple days ago._

I threw down my mystery novel and stood up.

"All right, you two, I can't take your constant arguing! Why don't you two kiss already, if your relationship is that bloody important to you?"

"Oi, Kudo! I look like a kid right now, and besides..."

"Does he have any idea what he just said?" Kazuha muttered. "It's not like we're romantically involved or anything."

Someone's in denial.

I just raised my eyebrow. All right then, if they wanted to play dumb, they would play dumb, then. That's for sure.

"Kudo!" Kazuha snapped.

"Yeah?" I said, looking at her.

"Whaddya mean by me and Heiji?"

"Baarou, don't you...?"

The next thing I knew, Kazuha was smiling in a sinister way at me. "Tell anyone, Kudo, and you're dead."

"Ahahaha, I don't know what you mean!"

"You're a detective. Of course you could tell."

'Oi, oi, not the blushing again!'

Why are girls so complicated? I thought because I used to be a girl that this job would become much easier, instead it became one hundred percent more terrifying!

"K-Kazuha..." Heiji muttered, attempting to reach for a box of cereal that was up on a shelf and failing, as his legs weren't as tall as he was used to. "Kazuha, are you...m-m...?"

"What?" She asked, getting the box of cereal for him.

"Are you m-men..."

Oh god, don't say what I think you're going to say, Hattori! Don't be stupid enough to say it!

"Are you men-menstruatin' or something?" Heiji said condescendingly.

WHACK.

Suddenly, there was a dent in my wall from Kazuha's fist.

"Heiji..." She chirped.

Oh god, couldn't they do their fights in somewhere other than _my house?_

This was getting insane. I needed a distraction from all of this.

"Oi, you two." I said, "Can't you two go find a lovers' lane or something?"

Kudo, you're entering the wrong territory here.

Err on the side of caution, side of caution!

I am extremely cautious...I am the master of cautious!

No one will ever suspect that Kudo Shinichi is hiding something.

Then, an idea struck my mind. I knew the perfect way to get Heiji off my back for the time being.

It just involved talking to three little kids...

* * *

As it turned out, this afternoon, there were a couple knocks on the gate outside.

"Who could that be?" Hattori asked.

"I called some of your little "friends" so you four could go out and have some fun." I said, noticing his eyes go wide.

"O-Oi, Kudo...ya didn't...?" He was shaking.

"Oh, come on, Heiji, lighten up! Auntie Kazuha was thinking about taking you out for some fun. You've been moping around Kudo's mansion for far too long!" Kazuha chirped, standing up and pulling Hattori by the arm. "Let's go out and greet your friends!"

"They're not my friends, ya ahou, let go of me-"

"Heiji, be nice! Set a good example!"

I chuckled as I walked ahead of them and unlatched the gate. "Hello!"

"See, Mom? I told you Shinichi Kudo knows of us! And there's our classmate! Hi, Sasaki-kun!" Ayumi chirped.

"Good to see you three!" I said.

Genta and Mitsuhiko were too flustered to really say anything.

'Oi, oi, opposite of how they were around Conan.' I thought in amusement before turning to Hattori.

"H-Hi guys, how are ya doin'?" He said cheerfully.

"We're doing great!" Genta said. "So, are we going to go?"

"Thank you so much for inviting Ayumi-chan over. I mean, in the presence of such a famous detective, I think she'll be very safe." The mother said, fidgeting slightly.

What looked to be Genta's parents nodded and Mitsuhiko's parents smiled approvingly.

"Now you three all be good and listen to Kudo Shinichi, all right? You're all going to have a nice time."

"What are we doin'?" Heiji asked.

"We're gonna go see the new Yaiba movie!" Ayumi exclaimed.

Heiji flashed a glare in my direction. "That sounds _exciting_."

"After what happened to you, Sasaki-kun, this should help you!" Ayumi said. "And who's that?"

"I'm Sasaki's aunt, Auntie...T-Touka!" Kazuha said.

Nice catch. I guess Hattori's not the only one who read some of the manga I had lying around.

My mind couldn't help but flash to what had happened the other day and Ran's thoughts on "Sasaki"-apparently, Ran had bought my spiel about "Sasaki's" parents "dying" and said that she would get him some sort of gift. Couldn't Ran see through the bullshit when it was given to her?

Ran also apparently thought my way of talking about Sasaki's "tragedy" was inappropriate: " _Shinichi, how can you be so heartless? Sasaki's lost so much, and you go around telling it like it's nothing but a lie!"_

 _'Oi, oi, that's because it **is** a lie.' I thought. "Baarou, it's not like I go around discussing it in front of him!" _

She seemed satisfied with that answer, and ever since then, Ran has asked Hattori many questions about Osaka, what his favorite Osakan things were.

There was one other moment where we had almost gotten exposed the other day. One of Ran's offhand comments caught me completely off-guard.

 _"You know, Shinichi, it's almost like you just brought him over here from Osaka! He doesn't really fit into Tokyo culture at all! He's so intelligent, too. He acts more like an adult than a kid!"_

 _I jumped. "Ehh...hahaha, is that so?"_

 _"Shinichi, is there something you're hiding from me? You seem to be awfully secretive lately. And that girl, Kazuha-chan, seems to be spending a lot of time around you lately. Is there...?"_

 _Oh god, Ran, don't get jealous!_

 _"Baarou, it's not like that! She's not even one of my fangirls! It's obvious, isn't it?"_

 _"Well, then, what is she here for? She's supposed to be in Osaka, right?"_

 _Oh please, Kazuha, go back to Osaka, you'll save Hattori and I a lot of grief-and can't she please take Hattori with her?_

The Osakan kid sure was unlucky, though. Being stuck in the body of a kid would not please anyone. But it was getting rather grating.

"Oi, Kudo, do we really have to do this?" He whispered.

"Yes, we have to." I remarked.

Oh well. I just had to deal with it.

My house would be a little lonesome without a certain Osakan teen around.

"But, Kudo, do I really need to go with them?" He whined.

"Heijiii..." Kazuha warned.

"Who's Heiji?" Ayumi asked.

Instantly, Kazuha jumped.

"Nobody!" Kazuha chirped.

"Kudo-kun, aren't you coming, too?"

What? I'd only been there to greet them, why was I being dragged into this? I'd originally intended for him to go with Kazuha.

"YEAH, LET'S BRING SHINICHI KUDO WITH US!" Ayumi said, looking up at me with puppy dog eyes. "Please...?"

"We'll have a real life Yaiba with us!" Mitsuhiko exclaimed.

Oi, oi...no.

But it wasn't like I had any say in the matter, but before I knew it, three whiny children were surrounding me, so I had to acquiesce. I guess if Hattori got humiliated, now it was my turn. I reap what I sow.

"Fine."

"YAY!"

So that meant we had to get into...a...c-c-car.

"Kudo-kun, why are you turning so pale?" Kazuha asked, upon seeing me standing, holding the car door open and shaking.

"It's nothing, I just get a little c-carsick." I said nervously.

* * *

For some reason, the way I'd died in my past life had somehow manifested itself as a fear in this life.

I could recall Tousan being utterly bewildered by the fear I had shown, but he'd also remarked that it was probably because of how recklessly his wife drove, which caused her to nearly give me a panic attack.

As I got into the seat beside Hattori and the kids, I put my seat belt on, but I was still pale.

"What's wrong, Shinichi-oniisan?" Ayumi asked.

"I don't like cars very much."

"Oh, the great detective doesn't like cars, huh?" Genta remarked.

Oi, oi, I wasn't even Conan and they were still trying to pick on me, wasn't I their idol?

"Shinichi-oniisan is very brave, but I have seen him get carsick!" Hattori chirped.

The glare I shot him and the smirk he sent me told me that this was payback for all the torture I'd put him through.

"Now, now, let's not mock Kudo! After all, I know someone who has a very stupid fear, right, Hattori?"

"Who's Hattori?" Ayumi asked.

"Right, I keep on forgetting. It's just that he looks like his dead uncle who's named Hattori. I sometimes mix up the two." Kazuha said with a laugh. "Right, Sasaki?"

Sasaki was shaking in his scene. "K-Kazuha-oneesan, please, have mercy."

The looks he received from both of us told him his answer: no.

"Why?"

"Kudo-kun, are you all right?" Kazuha asked me as the car continued to speed...speeding forward, forward, to our doom.

I flinched and my grip on the seat became tighter. I screwed up my face.

"I'm just fine." I gritted my teeth.

Then it was over. We'd gotten there.

I immediately flung myself out of the car (after helping Hattori and the kids out, of course) and slammed that car door shut.

"So that's your weak point, huh, Kudo? Driving?" Heiji said, snickering.

"Tell anyone and you're dead!" I hissed.

"It's okay to be afraid of something, Shinichi onii-san! I'm afraid of the bad guy in Yaiba!" Ayumi whined.

"I'd kick him in the face!" Genta declared.

"I'd stick frogs in his bed!" Mitsuhiko chirped.

"Help me..." Was all Heiji said.

* * *

And indeed, both of us were about to fall asleep of boredom while watching the movie while the three of them were shouting things at the screen, embarrassing us and annoying the audience.

"OH NO, YAIBA'S ABOUT TO BE DEFEATED!" Ayumi whined.

"SHHHHH!"

"GO, YAIBA, KICK HIS BUTT!" Genta screamed, again much louder than the actual movie.

"SHHHHHH!"

Oi, oi, we're gonna be thrown out.

"They just don't appreciate fans, that's all," Genta muttered, sinking back into his seat.

"OI, GO GET HIM!"

I looked over at Heiji with wide eyes. He was actually pretending to cheer. This was creepy.

Hattori was acting like a kid.

An usher came over to us. "Ma'am, if your children cause any more problems, you'll have to leave."

"I'm babysitting!" Kazuha explained, "It's all right and they're enjoying themselves!"

Oh wait, me enjoying myself at a movie theater? This could only go wrong in so many ways.

There was a loud thump behind us.

Oi.

"Oh no." I muttered.

"What was that noise?" Hattori muttered in unison.

Both of us turned to look at each other.

Oh great, murder magnetism struck again, didn't it?

Sure enough, there was a dead guy back there!*

All right, so a simple trip to the movies turned into a murder case! Such is the life of Shinichi Kudo.

For some reason, while Hattori and I were examining the body, I couldn't help but think back to the time when Okaasan had insulted Otousan when he'd made that remark about her driving skills.

* * *

 _"What's wrong, Shin-chan?" Okaasan asked, unaware of how much I was holding my seatbelt close to me, looking very pale-as she was driving way too fast to carry a normal child._

 _"I don't like your...dr-dr-" I whimpered._

 _"What?" She said cheerfully._

 _Geez, why was this woman allowed to drive?_

 _"Are you afraid of the car?"_

 _"I like it...just fine!" I chirped._

 _"Shinichi-kun, are you all right?" Yusaku asked._

 _What do I look like, genius, I wanted to say, but instead gave a cheery laugh, and said, "I'm just fine, if Holmes can do it, so can I!"_

 _Suddenly, there was a loud thump._

 _For some reason, Okaasan liked to drive upside down. Don't ask. No, really, don't ask. The Kudo family is insane._

 _I let out a yelp and stumbled forward, hanging on for dear life to my seatbelt._

 _"You could've killed our son." Yusaku muttered._

 _"Honey, is there something you're trying to say?" Yukiko asked._

 _"I'm saying that you're shit at driving." Yusaku said cheerfully. "And you nearly gave Shinichi-kun a heart attack."  
_

 _Suddenly, the car sped faster, and both of us jumped._

 _"You gonna say that again?"_

 _"Your driving is fine!" I yelped._

 _"Yes, very good!" Yusaku agreed._

"Kudo, Kudo, Kudo!"

"Huh? What?" I said, snapping back to reality...in time to see Hattori looking at me with interest.

"Thanks a lot for torturing me, but we've gotta figure this mystery out. How'd this person die?"

"Judging from this position, I'd say he was stabbed to death in the back with a knife."

"It's probably something more complex, isn't it?" Heiji remarked. "Just my kind of thing."

"Ooh, so cool, a dead body!" Genta purred.

Oi, oi, children should not be allowed here.

"THIS IS THE DETECTIVE BOYS' FIRST CASE!"

"SHHHH!" The same usher said.

"What are those children doing here, Kudo-kun?" Megure asked, looking very annoyed upon seeing kids so close to a body, "And it's that same kid from before."

"Oi, Keibu! What do you think about the way the knife was positioned near the body?" Hattori chirped.

Wow, Hattori, you sound so believable! Ten out of ten!

"Kudo-kun, what have you been teaching this kid? This kid's right, though."

"Not bad," I whispered, "Don't sound so morbid."

"Why not? You are the Detective of Death, after all."

Just for that, I nudged him in the side.

"Just jokin', just jokin'," He whispered back.

* * *

H's POV

Yeesh, why won't Kudo lighten up?

He's been jumpy ever since we got out of the car.

Come to think of it, he always walks me to everything, or we take the subway to places, but for some reason, when it comes to cars, he'd rather opt out of it.

Could it be that he has a fear of automobile accidents or somethin'?

It's strange.

Kudo is a very strange person.

As I watched him get close to the deduction (as close as I was), I noticed how eerie it was that Kudo seemed so calm all the time. There were times when he could break, right?

What was much more helpful, actually, was in pointing out the clues to 'Zuha, because both 'Zuha and Kudo were more believable than some little kid.

I had to swallow my pride. And besides, this wasn't Osaka, this was Tokyo, Kudo's turf.

"I wanted to know what happened at the end! Too bad that man died!" Ayumi complained.

"Ayumi-chan!" Mitsuhiko cried, "You shouldn't say things like that, it's bad that person died!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mitsuhiko-kun. I just wanted to see what happened at the end.

Kudo actually chuckled a little before saying, "Oh well, I'm sure he beat the bad guys, just like Holmes defeated Moriarty."

And then Kudo proceeded to launch into a long rant about Holmes while the three kids listened on raptly.

"What about you, Sasaki-kun? What kind of mystery novels do you like?" Ayumi questioned.

"Well, I like...Ellery Queen, and I like Agatha Christie!"

I keep on seein' the stares Kazuha is directin' in my way. Does she think I'm bein' too obvious?

I am never too obvious.

I, Hattori Heiji, am confident that I am never too obvious!

Once that little outing was over, thankfully, I sat down to face Kudo.

"Oi, Kudo, was it really necessary to let Kazuha know?"

"I dunno, she's a pretty good detective." He said.

Dammit, why wasn't Kudo bothered by this? This was like the 4th case this week.

"Kudo?"

"Yeah?"

He wasn't even looking at me.

"Why are ya so used to people dyin'?"

"Cause I'm a murder magnet," He remarked sarcastically, and that was the end of the conversation.

"I feel like I'm around Bruce Wayne," I remarked.

"Then does that make you Robin?" He said snarkily, but there was a ghost of a smile on his face.

"Kudo, lighten up, you need to get out more!" I said.

"Should I throw a piece of fish at you, Hattori?"

"What do fish have to do with anythin'?" I asked, shooting him a curious stare.

An odd look crossed his face. "It's nothing. Anyway, I was wondering...are you interested at all, Hattori...in..."

"In what?"

"Kaitou Kid, he's coming to a heist in Osaka soon."

"Oh, man, if only I wasn't in this stupid body, I could challenge him!" I snapped, "Well, why would I be interested, anyway?"

"Oi, oi, it's what Ran and Kazuha like."

"So?"

"Baarou, it's also good that you're not going, because you'll look suspicious." Kudo said, "Therefore if you wanna go, you're going to have to disguise yourself."

* * *

 **S's POV**

I was checking my mailbox a few days later when suddenly, a random dove flew up to me, dropped a letter into my hands and then flew away.

It was from him...from KID.

Oh yeah.

"Dear Tantei-san, I have been looking forward to meeting you, Kudo Shinichi-san. I've heard wonders about your exploits. I also offered my invitation to one Hattori Heiji, but he's not around, so you'll do. Can you figure out this riddle before the police? I'm sure you can. We have many things we'd like to discuss?

Could I have him as an ally or a friend?

I frowned as I sat there, scratching my head, said "Fuck it," and then put it in my pocket.

"Shinichi, what's that?" Ran said, grabbing it from my arms.

"Eh? A letter from Kaitou KID?"

"SHH!" I said, but it was too late.

The news spread all over the school and by lunchtime, everyone was discussing how the Heisei Holmes was going to face off against Kaitou KID.

So much for it being a secret, but that's probably what he wanted.

"So, Kudo, yer gonna fight the phantom thief?" Heiji asked.

What he didn't expect was for me to throw the letter at him and say, "You're coming along, too."

"What?"

"You're coming along, too! If you wanna sit here and make fun of me, you're gonna go, too!"

"You just don't like phantom thieves."

It was just that in my past life, I had found KID more annoying than funny.

Now KID was going to annoy the hell out of me.

Shit.


	6. Chapter 6 Just Kidding Around

A/N:

 _ **As it turns out the release date of this is 9/11, I want to say a quick thank you to all the firefighters, police men, and heroic civilians who died on this day in history; may their lives never be forgotten and may their lives be remembered. RIP to all 3,000 victims of the 2001 terrorist attacks on the Pentagon, Flight 93 (which occurred a mere few hours from where I live), and The Twin Towers. Thank you to all the soldiers who served our country during that time.**_

 _ **I'm gonna be trying harder to study for tests-since a lot rests on my shoulders this semester. So I might be slow as hell when it comes to actually updating-and I'm sorry about that.**_

 _ **You know what that means, yeah? My updates might be a bit more sparse and I apologize. But really, I've been dealing with a lot on my plate-from five day a week classes to a constant UTI, so this dude needs a bit of a break.**_

 _ **However, I thought of something interesting. How would Ran react to Shinichi suddenly speaking in spontaneous, American English? She knows he hasn't lived there before, so it would be quite amusing to see her reaction (because it has to have happened sometime). He can't use the "I picked it up from Holmes" excuse, either, as Doyle is a British writer.**_

 _ **Anyhow, in this chapter, expect a bit of Shinran and some interactions from Kaitou KID himself. I can just picture Yukiko being very puzzled by Shinichi (not just him cursing, enough to give any parent a heart attack, but him cursing in English, of all things!**_

 _ **Ran's pov, a brief shot of KID's POV, and Shinichi and Hattori (main POV switches) are in this one. :d I might split this chapter in two. So this one is coming out Monday, while the other one comes out on Tuesday.  
**_

" _ **The truth is messy. It's raw and uncomfortable. You can't blame people for preferring lies."**_

― _**Holly Black, Red Glove**_

 _ **""If what he said was the truth, it broke her heart. If what he said was a lie, it was broken anyway."**_

* * *

― _**Christine Feehan, Oceans of Fire**_

 **Chapter 6 In which the Thief spreads his wings and the rest of us crash (Just KID-Ding)**

 **Ran's POV**

Shinichi...as I've said before, is a little strange. I know he's a famous detective and all, but besides his bizarre fear of cars, another thing that has always puzzled me about him is-that one time...that one time, he did something very weird that he hasn't explained to this day.

Shinichi spoke in _English-_ and not just any kind of English, either, like the English in Doyle's works-but like, _American_ English. I know he didn't learn that kind of English from his parents, as he hasn't lived in America for most of his life, so how does he know that?

I know he's a genius and he's very smart, but really, having such a quick grasp on such a language that's not even his native tongue-I guess that comes from his genes. I'm kinda envious. Sometimes, he doesn't even realize it, but he'll say something in English and I'll just kinda look at him like "Hello, Shinichi, not everyone speaks English well!" and hope he'll notice he's doing it-or else, I have to just kinda prod him a little.

He's so weird at times, but lately he's gotten even weirder around that little boy, Sasaki-kun. I just hope Shinichi isn't being a bad influence or cursing around him. If he is, I'll karate chop him into next week!

I glance at Shinichi as we sit in class that day. Kazuha-chan is fast asleep behind me. Clearly, she's not the type to pay attention in class. I nudge her enough to wake her up.

Big mistake for me.

"HUH? WHAT'D I MISS?" She yells, in what Kazuha-chan believes is an acceptable tone to use in a school.

"Toyama-san, do not shout in the classroom." The teacher scolds.

"Sorry," She says, lowering her head, "Ass."

"Kazuha-chan, it's not good to curse!" I urge.

I notice Shinichi give me his 'oi, oi' look and I know some deadly sarcasm is going to be thrown in our directions if I don't calm Kazuha.

Come to think of it, why is Shinichi always around this girl? Could it be that they're romantically involved?

Kazuha-chan did mention her friend Hattori-kun came because of Kudo.

N-No...don't think like that! Control yourself!

"Ran..." Shinichi says softly, "Toyama-san is a bit... _scary."_

"Shinichi." I say sharply, turning to face him, "That's not a very nice thing to say about a girl."

He sighs. "Oi, oi, all I'm saying is that she needs to take a chill pill."

There it is again.

"Shinichi, what did you just say?" I ask.

"Hah? Baarou, I spoke in Japanese." He says, shooting me a death glare.

"No, you spoke in English again. Where did you learn English?"

He pales. I wonder why.

Shinichi's hiding something.

Maybe it's more than one "thing".

Maybe it's many _things._

Maybe he likes Kazuha-chan!

I will confront him on the topic.

* * *

S's POV

Oi, oi, why is this subject being brought up again by Ran? She's getting uncomfortably close to the truth-which is that my goddamned American accent from my past life sometimes still breaks in into this life. So sometimes, I'll be speaking Japanese and then suddenly, I'm saying stuff like take a chill pill, chill out, and my favorite from my past life as a chick, throwing shades at. I'll never forget the time I actually said that out loud.

 _"So, Ran, did you throw shades at Sonoko?" I asked, swinging my bag around with one hand, looking at her with a wide smile decorating my face. I actually liked it when that girl Sonoko got told. Ran had chewed her out for insulting me again.  
_

 _Yay, for Ran being awesome!_

 _"Eh?" She said, blinking and staring at me like I was the lord Jesus._

 _"You know, did you throw shades at Sonoko?" I asked, then realized my mistake. I was speaking English. Oh lord, why now of all times? It sounded so weird and slurred, for a second I thought I was drunk._

 _"Shinichi, why are you speaking in English? And how come you know American English? We only stayed there for less than a week with your parents-"_

 _I started visibly sweating._

 _"E-Eh, I learned it in Haw-"_

 _"YOU DO NOT LEARN AMERICAN IN HAWAII, SHINICHI."_

 _Yabe indeed._

 _"U-uh, Holmes taught me-" I said, inserting a nervous laugh here._

 _"Isn't Conan Doyle a British author?" She said, glaring at me intently._

 _Oh, shit, you're dead, Kudo. So, so dead._

 _"A-Ah, Kaasan taught me a bit when I was younger!" I yelped._

 _"Really? Okay then...but for a few seconds, you sounded like Sonoko. Like a g-g-"_

 _Aw, shit, don't say it._

 _"Like what?" I remarked, twitching one eyebrow slightly._

 _"LIKE YOU'RE GAY!" She yelped, causing me to jump._

 _"I-I'm not gay!" I snapped._

 _Oh, that was not what I was expecting to hear._

 _'Oi, oi, KID flies around at night in a flamboyant costume, dresses up fancy, and polishes his jewels-why isn't she calling him gay, too?'_

 _Okay, okay, Ran was just puzzled and then she dropped the subject. Hopefully forever._

* * *

Which is why when she mentioned it again, I nearly had a heart attack.

"Oi, oi, who cares about this, Ran? It happened centuries ago." I said, holding the book in front of my face.

"Shinichi, can't I at least talk to you? I know this is a trip to go see Kaitou Kid, but I know we're seated together for a reason." Ran remarked.

So, if you're wondering how we got from Tokyo to Osaka, let me just rewind a little bit. There's a reason why Ran and I are in the same compartment together and Thing 1 and Thing 2 aren't with us.

Well, first, I should say that the Detective Boys' parents were less than pleased to find out their children had run across a dead body in the movie theater. They were glad they were okay, but they told me they were lucky that Ayumi, Genta and Mitsuhiko didn't have any mental scarring from it. In fact, it seemed to bother them more than anything that they were so interested in seeing another dead body.

A few of them remarked on Haise's "strange" accent, though, so it's not like we were entirely out of the water yet.

I _really_ got an earful from Ayumi-chan's mother. Man, I forgot how much women can yell. Oh wait, I have Kaasan, Ran and Thing 1 as a reminder to tell me how confusing they can get. Ever since I'd gone through male puberty, females had become one hundred percent less comprehensible. Especially Eri, Ran's mom. She wasn't just smart, she was terrifyingly smart. I always felt like she wanted to claw my throat out but just smiled instead of doing it, hiding her intentions of it.

That's why I was glad I wasn't Conan. Having to go through the horror of being near _her_ again...oh dear lord, let me never utter those words near Ran, as I know Ran adores her mom.

However, the ride back in the car was every bit as terrifying as the ride to the movie theater.

 _"Onii-chan, are you going to puke?" Ayumi asked._

 _"So Kudo-kun, I take it you don't like cars?" Kazuha asked._

 _"Is she your girlfriend?" Ayumi asked again, causing both of us to splutter._

 _"What?" I said, looking at them in alarm. "No, she's not my girlfriend, we just met!"_

 _"Love at first sight!" Genta exclaimed._

 _Instantly, "Sasaki" nudged Genta hard in the ribs._

 _"Ow, what was that for?" He snapped, but Hattori silenced him with a piercing glare._

 _"You're an idiot! That's a grown-up thing, it's not our business!"_

 _"Ohhh..." All three of them remarked._

 _"Judging by how you two act, I don't think you are a couple." Mitsuhiko said._

 _Thank goodness for Mitsuhiko, he is the only sane being with these two._

 _"Thanks, Mitsuhiko." I chirped._

 _"Kudo-san, I have a bag here if you want to throw up in it." Mitsuhiko said._

 _He was a bit too nice._

 _"I'm fine," I muttered._

 _"Geez, Kudo, how are ya gonna be around airplanes?" Heiji snarked as we stumbled out of the car with Kazuha following behind us._

 _"Say goodbye now!" Kazuha urged._

 _"Bye!" Hattori said._

 _As the kids left, Kazuha turned to both of us. "Heiji, your acting was better than I thought it would be!"_

 _"Well, I think I didn't do too badly, Kazuha!"_

 _"Who was the idiot who was shouting at the top of his lungs when he shouldn't have been?"_

 _I braced myself for yet another...Hattori and Kazuha fight. This seemed to happen way too often._

 _"Well, Heiji. I distinctly remember telling you not to yell, because your accent would give you away."_

 _"Yet you were yelling, and everyone was watching."_

 _Oh, great, sure, do this in front of my house._

 _As I was shuffling awkwardly, fiddling with my front gate, Professor Agasa came out of his house, looking curious._

 _"Shinichi-kun, what's going on, who is this?"_

 _"This is Heiji's friend."_

 _"Oh, love troubles, eh?" Agasa snickered._

 _Instantly, Kazuha shot him a death stare._

 _"It was your fault, Heiji!"_

 _"Well, you were the ahou, Kazuha!"_

 _I let out a loud sigh. "Do you mind? We're just about to go back inside now. Maybe you two can...quit arguing for five minutes!"_

 _"Kudo, we don't argue all the time!" Heiji protested._

 _"Yes, you do! You two have been arguing since you got here!" I said._

 _It was no use. These two could be so thick at times._

 _This was insane._

 _"Oi, Kudo, it couldn't be that you're jealous, could it?" Heiji snarked._

 _"Jealous of what, baarou?" I remarked flippantly._

 _Kazuha whacked him on the head._

 _"I really am glad that Heiji's alive," She began, "Even if he does look...weird."_

 _"Oi, Kazuha!"_

 _"We're just gonna pretend he's not here."_

 _"Sounds like a good idea." I agreed._

 _"Oi, Kudo, stop ignoring me!"_

 _"I thought I heard something, I guess I imagined it."_

 _"I guess I was imagining it, too." Kazuha said, "I could've sworn I heard it say my name."_

 _"Heyyy, stop ignoring me!"_

 _"So, Kudo, what are we having for dinner?" Kazuha asked casually._

 _"Your guess is as good as mine. I can't cook." I said._

 _"Well then, I suppose I'll do some of the cook-"_

 _Instantly, Heiji came in. "Ah, let's just order pizza or somethin'!"_

 _"What's wrong with my cooking?" Kazuha asked._

 _"Oi, Kudo, she's nearly burned the house down before!" Hattori hissed in my ear._

 _Oi, oi...I sighed. There was only one thing to do, only one person to call to bring us a presentable meal...and that was...Ran._

 _Thank god for Ran, am I right?_

 _"Shinichi, you should've just told me sooner that you needed me to bring food over because none of you can cook!"_

 _Oh god. I love you and your bluntness, Ran._

 _Instantly, Kazuha looked as though Ran had struck a nerve._

 _"This is pretty good, Ran-chan. You need to tell me how to do it, for some reason Heiji never eats anything I give him."_

 _"Ah, maybe if you were to make something good for him, it would make him stop chasing after mysteries and come back to you." Ran said, "You seem to like it, Sasaki-kun!"_

 _Heiji was devouring Ran's food. "Yeah, it's really good!" He said between bites._

 _"Don't talk with your mouth full, Sasaki-kun!" Ran scolded, "And honestly, I can't believe you two who can't cook tried to make meals for him! I'll bring him stuff from now on!"_

 _Wait, what? This was a one-time thing._

 _"Oi, Ran, it's not like I can't cook-"_

 _"Shinichi, I've eaten food made by you before, and it's so bad that it was horrible!"_

 _I cringed. I could remember how bad my food tasted._

 _"Is your food really that bad, Kudo?" Kazuha remarked once Ran had left._

 _"Ah, never talk to me about that subject again." I said cheerfully. I'd been a bad cook even as a female, so...no harm done, right?_

 _"So, Kudo, when are we catching the Kaitou KID?" Heiji chirped._

 _"Enough about that subject! I get enough about it at school! It's KID this, KID that!" I remarked in frustration._

 _"Kudo's jealous!" Hattori deduced, though not accurately this time._

 _"I don't think he's jealous, I think he's tired," Kazuha remarked, "He can barely stand up."_

 _"Yeah, well, I dare you to deal with those Detective Boys...and still be able to stand up straight. You'll wind up just as tired...and full of contempt for everything around you."_

 _Then, before I knew it, I had passed out._

 _"Oi, Kudo!"_

 _Burning hot. Icy cold._

* * *

 _Those feelings passed over me as I lay there._

 _I could see it._

 _Someone was aiming a gun at my face._

 _It was...Gin._

 _I blinked._

 _What was he doing here?_

 _Goddamn you, generic dreams, can't you at least make some sort of sense?_

 _"We need to eliminate him, he knows far too much." Gin said._

 _Then I awoke, in time to see that Hattori and Kazuha were curled up on my couch, watching a detective drama._

 _"This is so boring. Now that Kudo's awake, we can change the channel." Kazuha said._

 _"Oiiii, this is Ellery Queen at his best! You can't miss this!" Heiji snapped._

 _I rubbed my eyes as I sat up, stifling a yawn. "Ellery Queen, huh?"_

 _Then the next day, we prepared to head out to where KID was._

 _"So, Kudo, what's your game plan?" Heiji asked._

 _"First, KID is really good at disguises, so both of you need to be on your guard."_

 _Good, if it was just the three of us, then Kazuha could look after Heiji and I could do it all by myself. There was no doubt KID would be suspicious of me dragging around a little kid._

 _"Shinichi, where are you three going? Oh, you're going to Osaka to see Kaitou Kid! Can I come with you?"_

 _Oh, boy._

 _That was how we had one more tag-along guest with us: Ran._

 _Despite the protests from her father (who insisted on coming with her for security reasons), I avidly assured him that I would not lay a finger on his daughter. He agreed, and said that if I let anything happen to her, I would not be Kudo Shinichi anymore by the time he was through with me, I would be a pile of cinder blocks._

 _In his mind, he sounded like a fearsome dragon. From everyone else's, however, he looked like an idiot._

 _"Ya smell funny," Was all Heiji said, which caused Kogoro to glare at Heiji._

 _"Shut up, pipsqueak!"_

 _"Yer an annoyin' old man, is what ya are!" Heiji taunted._

 _Kazuha had instantly pulled Hattori back before he could start any real fights._

 _"Sorry about Otousan." Ran said on the train, "He can get a bit...obsessed at times."_

 _"He doesn't seem to like Kudo-kun very much," Kazuha remarked, her gaze trailing from Ran to me._

 _"Oi, oi, we can hear you." I muttered._

 _"Don't blame them. Girls like to naturally gossip, about anything and everything." Heiji said, stifling a yawn._

 _"So is Hattori-kun coming along?"_

 _We flinched._

 _"K-Kudo, does she know?"_

 _"She doesn't, and it's gonna stay that way!" I hissed._

 _"Heiji's not feeling well, so he's not coming." Kazuha said, "He's been very sick this whole time."_

 _"Oh." Ran said, "So, uh, what relative is Sasaki-kun again?"_

 _Oh my god, does Ran know?_

 _"He's his distant nephew."_

 _"Oh, is that so?" Ran chirped. "I feel bad for you, Sasaki-kun! Being related to a detective nerd!" At this, her eyes settled on me._

 _Oi, oi, what had I done wrong?_

 _I wasn't even the jerk that was hiding from her in this timeline! Oh god, she was jealous over me having to spend time with Toyama, was that it?_

 _"Oi, Ran..." I mumbled, "There's nothing going on between the two of us."_

 _"Are you sure, Shinichi?" She muttered._

 _Instantly, Hattori winced._

 _"Sasaki-kun..." She said innocently, "If Shinichi got you in on this."_

 _"Ran?"_

 _"Yes?" She said, a little too sweetly._

 _"Ask her yourself what our relationship is."_

 _"Kudo and I have only talked a few times and that's it." Kazuha said bluntly, "As far as I can tell, he's all yours!"_

 _"WHAT?" Ran exclaimed, her face turning pink, "It's not like that at all! It's not like I like Shinichi or anything..."_

 _"Aw, it's so cute! The devotion you have to him!" Kazuha purred._

 _Heiji made a mock vomiting noise._

 _"Sasaki-kun..." Kazuha whispered._

 _"Women..." Heiji muttered._

 _'Women,' I thought._

 _Upon seeing Ran cast us death glares, we flinched._

 _Oi, oi, what had I done wrong?_

* * *

 ** _Ran's POV_**

 _Shinichi and that little boy seem to get on pretty well. What is it with him denying he and Kazuha-chan have any kind of relationship going on, though?  
_

 _I mean, they seem to talk to each other, go out to places with each other, and then bring that little kid along!_

 _What does that little kid have that I don't? Seriously, he's always hanging out with him._

"Hey, Ran! Do you mind if we switch to a seat that's just the two of us?"

"Oiii..."

I quieted "Sasaki" with a sarcastic look before going into another compartment and closing the door.

"Look, Ran, we don't have anything romantic going on between us, okay? I swear!"

"I can believe you, Shinichi, you used to think all girls were icky."

'That's because I used to be one,' I thought sarcastically.

"I know another oi is going to come out of your mouth a few seconds from now. I'm just kind of excited because I haven't gotten to go anywhere with you in a while since Sasaki-kun showed up. Even though it's stupid of me to be jealous of a little kid, it's just that I...uh...well, the thing is, Shinichi...I, uh..."

"You what?" I said, "You long for an expert on mysteries?"

"No, you detective nerd!" She boomed, causing me to jump.

"H-Hey, Ran, it was a joke." I said.

"Um, I really...like you."

Oh boy, this was gonna be awkward.

"You like my deduction cases? Well, maybe I can tell you all about-"

"No, not about that stuff! I mean, you talk about Sherlock Holmes all the time! Can't we talk about something else?" Ran said.

You mean, completely go out of character? The answer to that, Watson, is a lovely no.

It would be fine if it weren't for the fact that Hattori was out there, snooping. I could hear him snickering.

I heard him gasp as someone grabbed him and the compartment door next to ours slammed shut.

"Was that Sasaki-kun?" Ran asked. "He was spying on us! There's nothing going on!"

"Ran...?" I said, "Are you all right?"

Then I realized my hand was touching hers.

Oh my god, male hormones...so chaotic.

I swear she got beet-red and then she wouldn't look at me for the rest of the trip.

Had I been this hard-to-read, unpredictable and rude as a girl? I supposed that yes, yes I had been.

Ran, getting jealous of a seven-year old...maybe I should be around Hattori less. I didn't know.

"Shinichi?" She said.

"Yeah?" I said.

"How come you're not unnerved by trains as opposed to cars?"

"They're two entirely different things. Ran, also, if you don't mind, if you stumble, I'll gladly catch you if you fall. So don't worry about me, okay? I'll be just fine and I'll _take care of you!"_

That caused Ran to blush and for the rest of the trip, she was silent.

"What did Kudo-kun do?" Kazuha asked.

"N-Nothing... **detective nerd**!" She snapped, slamming the wall.

I jumped.

"Kudo, what did ya say?" Hattori said.

"I tried to be nice..."

"I see. I'll never understand girls!" Hattori said in vexation.

"Yeah, same here."

'Even if you used to be one?' My inner self said.

'Even if I used to be one...'

"Shinichiiiiii."

I jumped. "Ehehehehe...yeah, Ran?" I said.

"I thought you mentioned me back there?"

"No, I did not..." I said.

Oh god, help me.

Ran is so tsundere it's annoying.

* * *

 **Kid's POV**

It seems that Kudo Shinichi is coming to my heist. This should be very interesting.

I've heard a lot of interesting tales about the guy. He should be more fun than Saguru.

"So, Tantei-san, will you dance with me?" I remarked, handing my dove a letter. A little...challenge for Kudo.


	7. Chapter 7 Anything KID can do I can do

_A/N: All right, this is gonna be a fucking longgggggg chapter. I hope you're all prepared for the mega humongous chapter that's headed your way._

 _So Shin, Kai, and Heiji all have POVs in this chapter, as does Ran. So POV shifting abounds. Be prepared for some huge freaking filler. I apologize, school work has been literally throwing itself on me, that and I woke up today to my mom getting her leg bitten by our pet turtle, so I heard screaming and thought it was like Shinichi, someone dropping dead. Both of us are okay._

 _I really dislike Mom's turtle, though. It's annoying._

 _So anyway, let's head on with the chapter and enough of the filler. I will be updating my Code geese and hopefully my HP crossovers soon when I get ideas._

 _I passed my first test in a class so I'm in a good mood. :D_

 _Another question, how the hell does Sera know Shinichi is Conan? It's a pretty huge leap of logic for her to automatically assume this little kid is her childhood friend. She doesn't know him as well as Ran does._

 _I'm not really a Sera fan, I guess. I find her a bit Mary Sueish. Like if she's Shinichi and Ran's childhood friend, why wasn't she mentioned from the start?_

* * *

Chapter 7 Anything KID can do, I can DO better

So when the train stopped and we got off at Osaka, Ran seemed to be very clingy towards me.

She was unwilling to let go of me, and whenever she'd fallen asleep, I noticed she'd been having nightmares where she'd tell me not to leave her (it wasn't like I minded her being asleep on my shoulder...it's not like I like her or anything)

Why did Ran have access to plot devices, too? This was so strange and illogical.

"Shinichi."

Kazuha and Hattori followed behind us, Hattori looking curious as to why I was so silent.

"Ran," I said, "I think we should give little Haise here a good disguise."

"Why?" Ran asked.

"Because, Ran-chan, KID will be in a costume, so it'll be cute to have Haise-kun be in one, too!" Kazuha cut in.

"Oh!" Ran's eyes lit up. "I'd love to do that!"

So after that, we took little Haise shopping for clothes.

"Oi, Kudo, why do I gotta do this again?" Hattori whined.

"To disguise you. This is your hometown, right?"

"Right..."

"And everyone will recognize you, don't you think? So if a kid shows up who happens to look like Hattori Heiji...with the same accent, what are they gonna think?"

"They're gonna think that he's related to me." Heiji whined.

"Oi, Hattori, how good are your acting skills?"

The glare he shot me told me his answer.

"Not very good, are they?"

I suddenly thought about something.

If everything was all screwed up in this timeline, does that mean Haibara might show up sooner? And if that's so, that means...

'Think, Kudo...think, if Hattori showed up and shrank instead of me, instead of showing up halfway when I was supposed to be Conan, then that means Haibara will show up sooner, and KID shows up sooner as well...then that means...oh man...'

My mind froze as I thought about Masumi Sera.

How was I going to be able to act around her? She was a sharp girl and she had known Shinichi when he was a little kid? At least I was still my adult self, that made matters much less complicated. Still, though, I shuddered.

"Oi, Kudo, something wrong?" Hattori asked.

"How about this, Hattori?" I said.

"I ain't wearin' glasses!" He snapped, causing quite a few people to stare in our direction.

"Sh!" I said. "I'm sorry, he just gets very complicated."

"Oh, I understand," A woman next to me said, "Children are very hard to raise."

"How about this, Hattori?" I said, plopping a hat on his head.

"Kudo, I already _wear_ a hat." He said in irritation.

Oh, well this is going to take some time.

"Um..." I muttered, scratching my head slightly, "Hattori, let's give you some-"

"I'm not wearing sunglasses!"

"I think they make you look cool!" I laughed.

"Kudo..."

"Remember, Hattori, acting skills." I reminded.

"Oh..."

"How about this?" I said, presenting him with a tiny hat and a pair of glasses.

"I guess it looks good." He said.

"You know, Hattori, you may have to do something with your hair, it is kinda recognizable."

"Hey, don't touch it!"

"Such a fussy child you have."

Oh boy, this is gonna be complicated.

"Ran," I called, "I need your help with something!"

Sure enough, Ran managed to get the perfect outfit for Hattori.

Hattori's black hair was now covered under a brown wig, and his clothes were now ones that an ordinary kid would wear, so now he was wearing a casual T-shirt and shorts.

"What do you think, Hatto-I mean, Haise?" I said, gulping as Ran was behind me.

He smiled, "It looks good, Kudo-san!"

"You're so polite, why don't you just call him Shinichi nii-san?" Ran said.

The wicked smirk I shot him made him pale.

Hattori did not enjoy this.

"My hair feels like hell under this wig..."

"Sh! You remember you're in a place where you can be recognized."

"Kudo, you didn't do too bad of a job."

"What do you think of Sasaki-kun's outfit, Kazuha-chan?"

Kazuha's mouth fell open.

"Oh my gosh, he's so cute!" She squealed, picking him up and squeezing him between her-

Wow, just wow.

Heiji's face flushed. His cheeks were becoming beet red.

Was she doing it on purpose?

Maybe it was a little bit of both.

"I wonder what Hattori-kun would think," Ran said.

All three of us jumped.

"I mean, wouldn't he want to come catch a thief, too?" Ran deduced.

"Like we said, he has things to do." Kazuha said. "He asked us to look after his cute little nephew, which we'll do."

"Oi, Hattori, you all right?" I asked.

 _"Breasts._.." He muttered.

Kazuha heard, turned around and then a few moments later, Heiji had a goose egg on his head.

"Bein' in that form ain't no excuse for bein' a pervert, Heiji!" She snapped.

Heiji winced.

I flinched as well.

Next, we had to check into our hotel and prepare for the KID heist. While we were there, Ran decided to discuss the rather awkward topic of how bad my cooking is.

"Oi, oi, do we have to talk about this?" I asked.

The wicked stare shot my way by Heiji confirmed that yes, yes, he wanted to get back at me.

* * *

 _I can remember the lovely time my mom tried to get me to cook._

 _It was a huge mistake._

 _"Shin-chan." Yukiko said, "Do you think you could microwave this pizza for about thirty seconds?"_

 _Unfortunately, my ears heard "thirty minutes."_

 _"No, not like that!" Yukiko said, upon seeing smoke rising._

 _"It smells good in here, what are you making?" Yusaku asked. Upon seeing the black hulk that used to be pizza, he stared. "What did you do?"_

 _"I t-tried to get Shin-chan to cook?"_

 _"You could have burned down the house." He said matter of factly. "Still looks better than your cooking."_

 _Just for that, Yukiko threw the piece of pizza at his face._

 _Ah, classic memory._

 _Yusaku wound up having to take a shower to get the pizza out of his clothing._

 _I could remember another time in middle school, I'd decided to make food for Ran._

 _"What is it?" Ran asked._

 _"I decided to make food for you! You could try it and tell me what you think!"_

 _She took a bite and gagged._

 _"This tastes like cardboard! What did you do, Shinichi?"_

 _"I tried cooking it...and uh, hehehehehe, I might have let it sit out for a while...um, uh..."_

 _"Shinichi, it tastes like crap." Ran said icily._

 _"Uh..." I said._

 _"How about I make us pizza?"_

 _"This pizza looks burned, Shinichi."_

 _"It's not, it's just...singed a little!"_

 _At that time, I was too blind to realize that I could not cook._

 _Ran put the pizza up to her mouth, took a bite, and flinched. "This is hard as stone."_

 _"What? You're kidding me, there's no way it's hard as stone-BLEAH!"_

 _"I think I'm...gonna be sick." I muttered, turning green as I rushed to the bathroom._

 _"Honestly, Shinichi, this is why I should just make your meals for you. You're just too proud to admit you can't cook!"_

 _'How come I can't cook? When I was a chick, I was able to cook just fine. Ohhhh.'_

 _Then I remembered a time when I had been with my boyfriend._

 _"How does it taste?" I said cheerfully._

 _He made a gagging noise._

 _"What do you like about it?" I said._

 _Next thing I knew, he had thrown up._

 _Yeah, that was my attempt at baking a chocolate cake for my boyfriend for our first anniversary. I tried baking it, but instead of adding sugar, I added salt instead, mistaking it for sugar by the color. So as a result, the cake became a salty cake._

 _"You added salt instead of sugar, Kimmy." He pointed out._

 _"I did not-" The second the cake touched my lips, I gagged._

 _"I'm never letting you near the stove again! From now on, I make everything or else we order takeout!"_

 _He was promptly firm when I tried to tell him I could cook._

 _"You're the only woman I know who can't cook!"_

 _Just for that, I threw the meal at him and said, "If you know it so well, wise guy, make it yourself!"_

* * *

"Wow, he's terrible!" Kazuha remarked.

"Oi, Kazuha, there was a time you made pineapple upside down cake and you thought it meant you should literally put it upside down so you did and the oven was covered in cake!"

"That did not happen!"

"Yes, it did, 'Zuha. I remember it. We had to clean it out. I'll call Tousan and ask him."

"He's lying, I never would have put a cake upside down!" Kazuha snapped.

"Really, then?" Heiji snarked, going through his phone and showed us a photo of a literal upside down cake, splattered all across the stove.

Ran started laughing. "Kazuha-chan, you really...?"

"That did not happen, it must be photoshopped!" She roared.

Oi, oi, even I wasn't _that_ bad at cooking.

"How are you with cooking, Sasaki-kun?" Ran asked, "And how come you're acting like you know Kazuha-chan well?"

"Heiji emailed this to us!"

"Oh, did he now?" She said cheerfully, "Do you think I'm stupid or something? I think we've been beside Hattori-kun this whole time!"

I blanched.

"That's just a little kid!" Kazuha snapped.

"Shinichi, I've seen you talking to this kid like he's an adult. Do you think I'm stupid?"

Oh shit.

ShitShitShitShit.

"Look at what you're saying, Ran-chan, it's irrational, a child being an adult!" Kazuha said before laughing nervously.

"I heard you address him as Hattori-kun before! How could you hide this from me?"

"Oi, Oi, Ran, we're getting ready now. Is this really the time to-"

"SHINICHI, THIS IS IMPORTANT. YOU WILL TELL ME RIGHT NOW WHAT'S GOING ON."

I jumped. We needed a distraction.

If only KID was here, he could dress up like Hattori and ward off Ran.

But did Ran even know what he looked like?

"Let me ask you something, Ran." I said, "Do you even know what Hattori Heiji looks like?"

"Uh...no?" Ran admitted.

"First of all, doesn't it sound irrational to call a kid a teenager?"

"Here's a picture of Heiji!" Kazuha chirped. "I just mix his name up sometimes by calling him Heiji, even though it's not true. Isn't it silly that because I mistake Sasaki for Hattori-kun, that that would magically make him an adult?"

'Oi, oi, no one's gonna buy this lie.' I thought, my eyebrow twitching.

"Hmmm...you're right, I'm jumping to conclusions! What kind of day would it be where an adult could become a little kid? That's ridiculous."

"Sounds like something out of a movie." She teased before getting up to use the bathroom in our room.

All three of us crowded together.

"That was a close one, Kudo!" Kazuha whispered.

"I thought she was gonna find out!" Heiji hissed. "Good thinking."

"You know, there is something we can do."

"What's that?" They cried desperately.

"KID is good at disguises." I said, "So basically, if we can get his help, then there might be a time where he can disguise himself as you and throw the suspicion off you."

"That sounds like a great idea. But how do ya know he'll be on our side?"

"Oh, don't worry. I have a plan and a feeling that he might just listen to us." I said.

"KID's a thief. We need evidence!"

"Next time, Heiji, I ain't stickin' up for you." Kazuha said.

"Oi, Kazuha, it was you who got me revealed!" Heiji protested.

"So whenever she comes back in, you act like a kid." Kazuha scolded.

"I wanna see the soccer match!" Heiji chirped.

"I'm sorry, Sasaki-kun, you're just so mature for your age!" Ran said apologetically.

"Oi, oi, good thing we got out of that mess, huh?" I said to Heiji.

"Remind me never to piss your girlfriend off again." Heiji said.

"Did you say girlfriend? I'm not Shinichi's girlfriend." Ran remarked.

"There's no need to be shy about it!" Kazuha praised.

Suddenly, the wind blew and Ran's skirt flew up.

I didn't look but Hattori sure did.

"Wow, Nee-chan, you've got nice panties!" He remarked.

Goodbye, Hattori.

"Sasaki-kun..." Ran chirped.

However, it was Kazuha who judo-chopped him upside the head. "I'm sorry I just don't know where he gets his influences from."

'Oi, Oi, I think it's you,' I thought.

I didn't bother to say it because I, Kudo Shinichi, know how to keep my mouth shut.

* * *

-Later, at the heist-

Then we were there at the KID heist.

"Oi, Kudo, what are we to do again?" Heiji muttered.

"You're a little kid, so you'll catch him off guard. He won't suspect anything. Wait for my orders and I'll give them to you through your cell phone."

"Oh."

"Also, KID can disguise himself as anyone, so if you see anyone acting suspicious, it's how he acts. Third, Hattori, we might be stopping him from stealing the gem, but we're not catching him."

This caught Hattori off guard. "Kudo, what are you-"

"Hattori, this is your city, after all. Most of this is in your hands. I'm taking the backstage, this is mostly your role."

"Oh, all right, then."

"Ran and Toyama-san will be elsewhere. I'll ask Ran to look after her."

"What will she say if she notices I'm gone?" He asked.

"I'll tell her the two of us went out to play detective." I said, smiling.

"Don't pat my head or condescend me, Kudo." Heiji said, "When I get back to normal, I'll challenge you for real."

"Not to worry." I chirped.

But suddenly, as we went ahead, my face was grabbed and pulled at.

"Oi, what's the meaning of this?" I snapped.

"I think we got KID!" A police officer snapped.

"Did you say you got KID?"

Oh no, it's the Nightmare Inspector!

"Shinichi!" Ran cried, coming over. "What are you doing to Shinichi, let go of him?"

"We think he's Kaitou KID!"

"I'm not KID, let go of me! It's not a freaking mask!" I snapped.

"Hm," Nakamori said as he looked me over. "You do look similar but...you idiots, this isn't KID, after all! It's no mask!"

"Yeah, it's my face!" I yelled.

"So who are you?"

"I'm Kudo Shinichi, I'm from Tokyo and a detective."

"Kudo Shinichi? I've heard of you...but I don't need help from kids."

Geez, this old man was every bit as stubborn as I remembered. Oi, oi at this point, I'd rather deal with old man Mouri than him.

"I'd never be a stupid phantom thief."

At this, a glint came in his eyes.

"You sounded like my daughter. I think I respect you." Nakamori said, "Look, Kudo, our goal is to prevent KID from getting hold of this gem. If you can hold him off, then we can take the gem back."

"Okay, that sounds like a plan!" I said.

"You look like my daughter," He remarked to Ran, "Identical strangers, this is hilarious! All officers here, we have someone named Kudo from Tokyo who's going to assist us-"

"KUDO? THE KUDO SHINICHI? WE'RE IN LUCK!"

"KUDO! KUDO!"

"So much for invisibility." I remarked to Hattori.

"So much for your name not being known." Ran snarked. "Are you going to face KID?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Be careful. Where did Sasaki-kun go?"

"He and I are going together to go play detective." I said.

"Be careful, he is just a kid."

"Oh, come on, Ran, you know me well, don't you?" I said jokingly.

"Of course. Although, yesterday, I had a bad dream that you got hurt and...I couldn't help you. So please don't do anything too rash."

"Don't worry, Ran, I'll be just fine." I said assuredly.

"That's what I'm afraid of, detective nerd." She said in finality as we left.

Ran wasn't acting any different from usual.

"So, Kudo, how did you say this person disguises himself as people again?"

"If anyone acts or sounds different from usual, then it's probably KID. He knocks people out with sleeping gas. Don't hesitate to call me. If I pick up, you'll know it's not me in front of you, but KID."

"Ya sure you want to leave this to me?"

"I'm sure you can handle it." I said.

"Ya know, Kudo, you ain't that bad of a guy after all." He said.

* * *

Suddenly, the lights went out.

"I think he's here," I said.

Then a voice came over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, let the show begin!"

"IT'S KID! GET HIM, MEN!" Nakamori boomed.

"Remember what I said!" I said as the two of us split up.

"Kudo!" Hattori cried, but I immediately hushed him.

"Remember, if you come across someone who looks and acts like me, this is the word to say, Haise. He won't know your name, he'll probably just address you as little boy or something." I said, "Then you'll know."

"I'll know it's not you." Heiji said.

Then like that, the two of us split up.

KID's POV

Ah, getting my hands on this gem has never been easier. I just have to step over Inspector Nakamori's sleeping form and his men.

Things should be simple.

There's no sign of Saguru here, thank goodness.

He's such a drama queen that it's boring.

"So we meet at last, Kaitou KID."

I know that voice.

I turn around in time to see Kudo. Kudo Shinichi, of all people. The one I'd wanted to meet.

"The detective of the East," I remarked, "How surprising. I thought maybe the Detective of the West would have come."

"I'm just here to ask you to hand over that jewel." He said confidently.

Wait, wait, wait, does he have a g-gun? And...a...soccer ball?

Man, Kudo really is different in person. On television, he looks like an arrogant asshole.

Here, he's just cool, confident and calm.

"I'm afraid, meitantei-san," I said, "That I need to go."

"You need to go, huh?" He said, as he kicked the soccer ball in my direction.

Holy shit that's close.

"Take this, meitantei-san!" I said. The next thing Kudo knows, he has a smoke bomb going off in his face. "See if you can follow me!"

 _Shinichi's POV_

"Now it's time for part two. It's Hattori's turn to shine."

* * *

 _Kaito's POV_

Normally, KID heists are boring, but it's much more fun with Kudo Shinichi around. I'd heard nothing but endless praise for Kudo.

I never thought I'd have the privilege of meeting the guy in person.

So, as I was fleeing through the corridors after encountering Kudo, I was ever so surprised when I was met with the face of a little dark-skinned kid.

I swear I've seen his face before.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be in that meeting with all the police officers?" He asks.

Oh crap, did this little kid wander off? If some parent loses their kid because of me, I'm gonna be in big trouble-wait. Wait.

This doesn't feel right.

"Hey, did you sneak off or something-"

The kid is gone.

I whirl around in time to see the dark-skinned kid near me, smiling.

"I'm Haise. Are you committing a crime, mister?"

How the hell does he-all right, this kid's getting the sleeping gas.

The second I threw the smoke bomb, the kid can't see, now I'm taking off.

However, the kid was still chasing after me.

"Where do I go next?"

Oh wait, he has someone helping him.

Oh shit, shit, shit, time to go through the vent.

Oh boy.

"KID's going through the vents!"

How are they catching on so fast-it must be Kudo.

Kudo's helping them. Drat.

I underestimated him, it seems.

A soccer ball is punted at me again.

"Could you not do that until I'm prepared, meitantei-san?" I yelp. Really, how rude.

He is still smirking at me, it pisses me off.

"So you're back, meitantei-san...and your...assistant." I say, my eyebrow twitching.

It's the kid again.

"Tantei-kun." I say.

"I take it my little assistant helped me find you, huh, Kaitou KID-san?" He said.

"It's funny, I sent out a request to Hattori Heiji, but he didn't come. It's his town I'm stealing this gem from, after all."

Something flashes in the dark-skinned kid's eyes for a second.

"Heiji nii-san's busy with a case, but when he comes back, he'll catch you!"

Something happened to a detective? Hm, something interesting is going on here.

"Well, meitantei-san and kun, this is where we're going to part for today. I cannot allow myself to get caught by a detective."

Once again, there is a smoke bomb in their faces.

I am not letting Kudo catch me today, no way. He can try all he likes, but he's not catching me today.

Not now.

Not ever.

I hold the gem up to the moonlight like usual and...oh shit.

"If I turn around, am I gonna see a detective behind me?"

* * *

S's POV

"Yes, you are." I said, pointing a gun at him.

"Meitantei-san, I don't like weapons," KID says.

"Calm down, KID. This weapon isn't going to be fired at you."

He looks at me suspiciously.

"So, meitantei-san, what was your objective today? To make me look stupid?"

"No."

His eyes widen.

"What's the point of this?"

"I seek an alliance. I believe you and I are after the same kind of organization."

"What would make you think of something like that?"

Ah, he's gonna require proof.

"What's with the little detective? Are you hiring kids to do your detective work now?"

"It's ironic that you would say that," I said with a chuckle.

"I ain't no kid!" Hattori said.

"You certainly look like one to me." KID remarked.

"For you see, KID, Hattori Heiji hasn't gone anywhere, he's right here."

"B-But how?" KID muttered, looking very surprised. "You're kidding me, right? How on earth can a kid like this be Hattori Heiji? It's just coincidence."

"He was attacked by an organization and they turned him into a younger age."

His smile turned into a grimace.

"Keep talking."

"We believe that we might have similar goals with you, so..."

"I don't work with detectives," He said simply, "But I might consider the offer, Kudo-san. In the past five minutes, you haven't kicked any more soccer balls at me or put handcuffs on me, so there must be some proof to what you say. I must be on my way, but I bid you all adieu! Here's the jewel back. I don't need it."

He bowed, and then like that, he was gone.

"Hey!" I cried, but what I grabbed was a dummy.

"Weren't we gonna catch him?" Hattori snarled. "He insulted me!"

"Hattori, anyone would have a hard time believing you're not a kid, no offense. And I said we weren't gonna catch him, baarou. We got the jewel back. It's a recon thing."

"What good can a thief do, anyway?"

"Idiot, KID's got abilities we don't. I sent him a note that should explain everything."

K's POV

I can't believe what I heard.

That little kid was Hattori Heiji and Kudo needs me to dress up like him sometimes?

Well, I can certainly imitate him, but why?

What's the meaning behind the detective coming out and asking me for help like that? The look in his eyes, it wasn't condescension, it was one of understanding.

Dammit!

He couldn't have seen through my poker face!

"Detectives are infuriating!" I growled.

I still can't take Kudo's face out of my head.

Am I gay...?

 _No way._

"I hate detectives," I groaned, slipping more into my seat.

"I heard Kudo almost put you behind bars!"

Oh no, it's Saguru.

"Go away, Saguru."

"So, did Kudo put you in handcuffs?"

"Your buddy did not put me in handcuffs." I said smugly.

"What? I refuse to believe that."

"Check out the newspaper!" I chirped before showing it to him.

"But nobody saw what Kudo did on the roof!"

Typical Saguru, deny evidence when it's right in front of him.

"I heard Kaitou Kid almost got captured by Kudo Shinichi! Kudo should have kicked his butt!" Aoko whoops.

Oi, oi-hey, hey, why am I talking like the detective?

Infuriating.

"Oi, Aoko, nice panties!"

"KAITO!"

Thus, the school day begins in chaos (like it's supposed to!)

* * *

"Ne, ne, Sasaki-kun, we saw you hunting KID! You were really cool!" Ayumi chirped.

This was not how I wanted to spend my day surrounded by kids.

"You were cool!" Genta said.

It seems I've earned their respect.

"WE'RE GONNA LET YOU IN THE DETECTIVE BOYS!"

All right, then.

But if things feel good, why do I feel so damned uneasy?

Meanwhile, at Teitan High School

"KUDO, KUDO!"

Oh god, fanboys and fangirls this time.

"Shinichi, it looks like they went wild this time. Nobody saw what you did, though."

"KID returned the gem to me. The rest is...need not to know."

"Shinichi, you're just trying to sound cool, aren't you?"

"Yeah, something like that."

Knowing KID, he's gonna be so frustrated that a detective is suddenly being nice. Given that I had always found Kaito annoying in the series, I couldn't help but wanna troll him back a little if you know what I mean.

"Kudo, you were with Kaitou KID!" Sonoko said, "Does that mean you've ditched Ran-chan for...? What am I saying, Ran is your wife after all!"

"Hey, Sonoko-chan, that's not true at all!" Ran yelped.

"Can you quit all the noise? I really need my sleep." Kazuha muttered from beside us.

Oi, oi, why is she still here? Then I remembered...my extra guests.

At lunch time, the chaos got even worse.

"KUDO, I WANT YOUR AUTOGRAPH."

"WHAT WAS IT LIKE, MEETING KID?"

"It was fine," I said, "I need to get my _lunch_."

"But please can we have some autographs?"

"Fine, a little bit of time with fans." I said, hamming it up.

"It looks like your husband has been stolen away by demons again." I heard Sonoko say.

"Sonoko-chan, you watch Sam and Dean too much."

"So which one are you? Sam or Dean?" She snarked.

"Well, I suppose I'm Sam, as I've gotta pull Shinichi out of fangirl hell." She said jokingly.

* * *

Later

I picked up Hattori from school like usual.

He, Kazuha and I were on our way home when I couldn't help but notice that Heiji was frantic and paranoid.

"What is it?" I asked.

"There's a new classmate. She's kinda...creepy." He said with a shudder.

I froze in my tracks.

Oh boy.

That meant that...

The door to Hakase's house was open and Agasa was standing there.

"Oh, Shinichi-kun, I want to introduce you to someone new. This is Ai-chan."

Ooh, Haibara's already here.

Sure enough, there she was, looking up at us.

"Ah, so you're Kudo Shinichi-kun."

Cold, icy blue irises looked me up and down and I couldn't help but shudder. It was like she could read my mind.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Haise Sasaki-kun, or should I say Hattori Heiji?"

Instantly, Hattori paled and my eyebrow rose.

Wow.

Destiny is a bitch.


	8. Chapter 8 no KIDding around

**A/N: I'm sorry it's taken me a long time, but here we go with the chapter, near Thanksgiving lol, much longer than how I wanted it to be, but the muse has not been with me or cooperating, okay, so let's just try to get this over with.**

 **Last we checked, Shinichi became an instant celebrity again thanks to Haise's help with him targeting (but not capturing KID) and forging? an alliance with the wily thief, who is frustrated by the detective's odd ways, and also our lovely couple Shinran had some disagreements. I understand that the Heikazu arguing might be annoying but seeing as Heiji shrank and not Shinichi, Kazuha is gonna be an overbearing character. That's how she is, right?**

 **Next chapter might have an actual amusement park murder case! :D**

 **So yeah, now we begin with Haibara meeting Shinichi.**

 **Three movies I want to see are the Resurrection of Gavin Stone, Beauty and the Beast 2017, and Loving, which all look really good.**

 **Also, why is it I can stomach superhero cartoons like Justice League, but comic movies are just nothing but fighting and violence, without any of the messages the great comics and cartoons have? Seriously, I can watch "Mask of the Phantasm" thousands of times or Justice League, but the comic book movies feel so drained of all their vitality-except for Batman movies, which seem awesome. Except for Batman Vs. Superman. And Batman and Robin.**

 **Is it just me or do they feel kinda like anime do taken to the main screen and live action? It's like they cut the...heart out and stuff and make it devoid of the depth that makes the originals so good. Don't get me wrong, there are some great comic book movies but a lot of them that I've seen just don't do the originals justice.**

 **Chapter 8 The Crows Flap their Wings (and no KIDding around)**

* * *

If there could be a more, well, not stoic expression on my face, this would be it.

Yeah, that's right, for once, the Modern Day Holmes had nothing to say, no witty remarks, no snarky commentary, no nothing. What else can I say when Haibara Ai, of all people, turns up at my doorstep?

Yes, I know she's not really a child, but that doesn't make her calculating gaze any easier to deal with. No natural child should be making that kind of face. It's just eerie, is all.

"Nice face you're making there, Kudo-kun," She remarked, still staring at me.

Geez, Haibara, do you think you could be a little _less_ terrifying?

Hattori was practically quivering and shaking, hiding behind me.

"Kudo, she's terrifying." Heiji whimpered, for once looking like the child he was supposed to be, which alarmed me significantly.

"It's very rude to say that to someone's face, right, Hattori Heiji-kun?"

Heiji jumped, now looking very alert.

"How do you know about that?" I said sharply.

"Oh, there are a lot of things I know," She said softly, looking up at both of us, "At first, I did not know what had happened to him, but once I saw that most interesting Kaitou KID heist video, I knew."

Shit, I just _had_ to drag him along, didn't I?

Thanks to my careless actions, now he could be exposed.

I had put him in danger, and for what, all for some dumb KID heist.

"It was no coincidence that I would see a child that happens to bear some resemblance to the missing Hattori Heiji in your company, Kudo-kun, and I figured that if he would come to anyone, it would be you. But of course, the Organization doesn't really know about this. All they did was they simply asked me to go over and ensure he was really dead. We've got no interest in you, Kudo-kun." She said authoritatively, as though she was unaware of what state she was currently in.

"Then why don't ya go back to that creepy place and stay there?" He snapped.

"Well, I can't," She replied, shrugging her shoulders.

Both of us stared at her as though she were nuts, though I alone knew the reason why, from hazy memories of my other life, I knew it had something to do with her sister and her motive for escaping and living an ordinary life. The Black Organization didn't exactly take well to the idea of Akemi becoming an ordinary person, and didn't want to risk losing their most talented scientist, so they'd disposed of Akemi in an offhand way by having Gin and Vodka kill her in a way that looked like an accident-at least, in the original timeline, whether or not Akemi was dead in this one was something that was still up for debate, as Conan did not exist in this timeline.

Had I altered the timeline this much? None of this was logical, Haibara was supposed to come in much, much later than this. What had I done? ' _Calm down, none of this started with you. It's stuff that's supposed to happen, just not this early_.' I told myself, but my normally calm demeanor was clearly unsettled by this unwelcome person who could clearly tell that she was causing me a lot of distress-and enjoying every second of it.

Haibara Ai is truly a sadist in the exact definition of the word.

"Is this a bluff you're using?" I finally replied, settling on the oldest excuse in the book.

"It's not a bluff," She said, rebuffing it (or was it rebluffing), "I'm one of their targets, now, too. You see, I'm the one who created the poison, APOTOX, that made you the way you are."

"Damn you!" Heiji snarled, his face turning red very fast. I recognized the Osakan temper coming and gulped.

"Hattori, before you throttle her, let's take this inside, people will pay too much attention."

"A wise and most prudent idea, Kudo-kun." Haibara agreed.

As she came in, she sat down on my couch.

"That's my spot!" Heiji snapped, still looking as though he wanted to punch her lights out, "Why do I gotta listen to a criminal's sob story, anyway?"

" _Hattori_ ," I said sharply, "I _know_ you're upset, and you have every right to be, but right now, let's just listen to her."

"If you say so, Kudo," He grumbled, even _sitting_ in a way that suggested he was angry.

"As I was saying, I was forced to make the poison for them, up until my older sister got involved, suddenly I didn't want to do that anymore, and suddenly they weren't okay with that. Luckily for me, I took the drug myself and it made me this size, and then I ran into your old friend, the Professor. I just figured I'd come and keep an eye on Hattori-kun here, and you, of course." She indicated me.

"Oi, they're not gonna come after Kudo, are they?" Hattori was now alert, sitting up and staring at me. This whole "staring at me" thing was getting annoying.

"If they suspect he's harboring you, then yes, they will." She said softly.

I couldn't say anything, I was too busy trying to figure out what it was Haibara really wanted. If things were altered here, was she going to be the same as she had been in the original or different? But as it turned out, I didn't really have the time to linger around in my thoughts.

"So, Kudo-kun, you're certainly different from how I've heard people talk of you. They talk of you as an arrogant brat who's full of himself, who always knows the answer to everything and is emotionless. Is that true?"

I laughed. "What do you think? You have us right here, before your very eyes. Really, that's something for _you_ to decide."

"Oh, Kudo-kun, you're looking at me with that same gaze you cast on every criminal-the condemnation gaze, hm? Things aren't always so black and white, you know? I don't intend to harm you or Hattori-kun, at least, not yet."

"WHAT DO YA MEAN, NOT YET? YER A CRIMINAL, AND DON'T YA DARE THREATEN KUDO!" Heiji snarled.

I could tell they were going to get along _wonderfully._

"Hattori, stop,"I said, trying to rein him in a little.

"You never lose your cool, do you, Kudo?" She asked, "That's admirable, but you do realize it does make a criminal more determined to dig further into your head and try to see what makes you truly upset?"

"If ya did, I'd break your neck." Heiji snarled.

"Ah, you've grown to care about Kudo-kun, have you? But what if he was hiding more than he let on?"

"Whaddya mean?" Heiji said.

"Why has Kudo-kun not questioned the idea of someone regressing to the size of a child? Any logical person would doubt in such a concept."

"Come to think of it, you're right-HEY, I AIN'T DOUBTIN' KUDO FOR A SECOND!"

Boy, am I glad Hattori has absolute faith in me.

I sweated slightly. Could it be that she had memories from the other life? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I just decided to keep my mouth shut and instead kept staring her down.

"Well, it's hard not to believe it when I see it happen before my very eyes," I remarked.

"I see then, Kudo." She remarked, "Well then, I need to cook the Professor his dinner. It's been nice meeting you two. You especially, Kudo-kun. And you, as well, Hattori-kun, or should I say, 'Haise-kun'? Next time, try to do better than picking out a comic book name."

She shook my hand, but I felt like I was grasping ice, and I noticed how angry Hattori was as she left.

* * *

"Damn that girl!" He yelped. "She's so frustratin'! What's her deal, anyway?"

"I wish I knew," I remarked, "She's so enigmatic!"

"Ya got that right, Kudo! I wanna punch her in the face! Speaking of which, where's 'Zuha at?" He said, noticing that the normally talkative and pushy brunette was nowhere to be found.

"Oh, about that," I remarked, "I think Ran took her for a bit of a shopping trip." I grinned slightly.

I needed Kazuha to stay away from Heiji for a little while. She tended to be overprotective and also, I felt like she and Hattori argued way too much while together. So what better time than to allow the two of us detectives to be alone together and think of some ideas?

"Oi, Kudo, you realize it's gonna look a little weird for Kazuha to not be here with me, right?" He mumbled. "Kudo, do ya think at any time that my wig fell off?"

"I think that's what happened. You were pretty well-disguised for a bit, and then your wig must have fallen off and that's how she recognized you. Dang."

"Kudo, are you frustrated?" Heiji asked.

The fact that I was kicking a soccer ball told him his answer.

"Yeah, you're mad." He muttered.

"I'm not mad," I remarked, "I just want more answers. And the fact that she's not willing to give them out now is...frustrating."

Heiji shuddered. "Kudo, you're mad."

"Who said I was mad, barou?" I said.

"Kudo, it's when ya get that look on your face, that intense scowl, and when ya start kickin' that ball, I know yer pissed!" He said.

"You try kicking it," I suggested.

Heiji tried kicking the ball, but the only thing that happened, predictably enough, was that it hit him in the face.

"Gah, darn it, Kudo, I don't have the experience with soccer that you have!"

"What was it you said you did again?" I asked.

"Kendo!" He chirped. "I can swing a sword really good."

"Can you do it that well in this size?" I asked.

"Well, um..." He paused. "Wouldn't I draw a lot of attention to myself if I went around carryin' that stick, though?"

"Yeah, you would," I muttered before stifling a yawn, "People are gonna find it more than a little weird if there's a kid out there swinging a kendo stick. This isn't an anime."

"You're right, if this were an anime, it'd be a lot easier-oi, Kudo, you watch that stuff?" Heiji asked, his eyes glinting mischievously. Uh-oh, he'd just found a weak spot.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. What's it to you?"

"Anyway, Kudo, we need to strategize! Figure out how to get rid of her!" He pumped his fists in the air and made a lot of ridiculous gestures that were impossible for me to take seriously because of how childish he looked.

"We're _not_ getting rid of her."

"Why? She did this to me!"

"Not of her own volition," I remarked, "Though she didn't imply it, she's as much a victim in this as you are."

"Bullshit! Ya really believe her story, Kudo?"

"How can you be a detective, Hattori, and not believe in innocent until proven guilty?" I said sharply.

"Ahhh, but she acts so suspicious!" He growled.

The fact that Hattori looked so angry, it made me chuckle. He looked like a kid who'd lost his video game.

As I was in my room, I continued the soccer ball kicking, which annoyed the hell out of Hattori.

"Kudooooooo. Kudoooooo! Kudo!"

"Yeah?" I remarked, pausing. "What do you want?"

"Kudo, I think we should go out to eat somewhere."

"The last time we did that, people died." I remarked sarcastically.

"Oi, Kudo, cheer up!"

"Heiji, you were the one with the rough face."

"That's the first time you've called me Heiji, it must be serious!" He remarked before shuddering. "Go away, Kudo, you're being terrifying!" He ran out of the room.

"O-Oi, Hattori!" I cried, "Oi, oi, what's with him?"

Suddenly, the phone rang.

"Who could that be?" I grumbled, not in the mood to engage in social conversation. If it was Sonoko, I'd yank the cord out of the wall, then strangle it.

I was in no mood to hear Sonoko lecture me about how to treat Ran.

 _"HI, SON_!"

The voice in question was very loud, so much so that it made me jerk backward, holding the phone away from my ear.

* * *

Uh-oh, it was... _mom_.

"Oh, hi, Okaasan! What made you call here?"

 _"It's just been a while since we've heard from you_!" She chirped, sounding cheerful as ever. A volcano could be erupting and she'd still be cheerfully shopping.

 _'Oi, oi, you guys have been too busy with your careers,_ ' I thought in my head.

"Oi, oi, didn't I last see you about a year ago?" I drawled.

" _Oh, come on, Shin-chan, can't I see you every once in a while_?"

"Oi, a normal parent would be seeing their son more than _once a year_ , Okaasan." I complained.

 _"Oh, come on, son, I have stuff to do_."

Sure, they did.

Then, someone else intervened, at the worst possible moment.

Kudo luck, it's always bad.

Trust me.

I've had someone drop dead in front of me when I was eight. _Eight_. I just wanted to use the bathroom and instead, found someone sprawled dead on the toilet seat in a public restroom. Was it any wonder that I never wanted to use public restrooms again?

Then it spread to libraries, tennis courts, doctors' offices, hospitals, dentists' offices, sports stadiums, anywhere that was public, dead people tended to turn up wherever Kudo Shinichi was. But it seemed like with "Haise," the murder rates doubled. Seriously, two people seemed to drop dead for every one person.

Even Ran had taken to calling Heiji "Murder Magnet Number Two".

Lovely.

"Oi, Kudo, who are ya talkin' to?"

"SHHH!" I said to him.

" _Do you have someone over at your house? Is that Ran-chan? How soon are you two getting married_?" She jumped to conclusions, like usual.

"OKAASAN!" I yelped.

" _It's all right, Shin-chan, I know about your cute little feelings for her! Are you still terrified of cars? I swore I would've driven that out of you._ "

"Oi, oi, please..."

Somehow, Okaasan believed I was afraid of cars because of her shitty driving, even though that was unlikely to be the case.

"Hello there, Shinichi!"

There was the sound of...Otou-san. It just reminded me of how much my parents could get on my nerves.

"Oi, Kudo, who are ya talkin' to?"

"My parents!" I snapped.

" _Oh, who's that_?" Yukiko said.

Oh god, she heard him. Damn it.

" _Are you someone Shin-chan's babysitting_?"

"Yeah! Nice to meet you!"

" _Oh my, you have a very interesting accent! I'd love to meet you_ -"

Oh no, why was _everyone_ showing up?

First Kaitou Kid, then Hattori and Kazuha, now Haibara and now my _bloody parents-_ don't I get any peace? I guess not.

"We've got some things going on, so you really _can't_ come down." I lied.

" _Shin-chan, I know when you're trying to get out of seeing us, this sounds like one of those times_."

I winced. "No, it's not like that, Okaasan. It's just that this kid is...uh, sensitive!"

I heard Heiji snickering.

"And his parents died in a terrible accident, so if he sees some, it might..."

" _OH, POOR BOY, HE'LL NEED A PARENTAL SUBSTITUTE_!" Yukiko cried. " _Shin-chan, I'm definitely going to see this boy of yours!"_

"Wait!" I cried.

But it was too late-she'd already hung up.

"Were those terrifying people your parents?"

"Yes," I muttered.

"And now they're convinced I'm a charity case?"

"Yes," I said through gritted teeth.

"Let's change our names, hide and move to New Zealand."

"It wouldn't matter, they'd find us, anyway. Dad's a brilliant detective and Mom's not as stupid as she makes herself out to be, she has a bit of a complex when it comes to children, you see."

"Kudo!"

"It wasn't my fault, they just made me say it!"

Yeah, as if having Ran was bad enough, it looked like my parents would be meddling, too. Great. Just great. The only thing that can make this worse is if someone falls dead on my roof.

Thank god that had never happened. Yet.

"Kudo, why are we all cloistered up here?" Heiji complained.

'Because we are murder magnets,' I thought, but didn't say it aloud.

"Because, Ran is out with Sonoko. Anywhere we want to go to, we'd have to walk. And my feet are killing me from walking."

"Then let's take a car!"

"I can't drive. And you don't have a license."

"I have my motorcycle!"

"Hattori, do you seriously think you can drive a motorcycle being much smaller than you normally are?"

"Ugh..." Hattori snarled, "Damn the Black Organization! I'll kill 'em with my motorcycle, they took everythin' from me!"

"I know," I said, "It sucks. We just have to deal with it."

* * *

The next day, however, a dove arrived at my front door and dropped a letter down into my lap. When I opened the envelope, the letter that was enclosed read: " _Dear Meitantei-san, I have to ask you to explain exactly what you meant by claiming your little tantei-kun is a big tantei-kun. I really don't understand what you mean by that or how that's possible. So since you have effectively frustrated me for the past couple weeks, I suggest a potential time for us to meet and discuss this better in person. But for now, I am much too frustrated, so contact me when you feel the need to come fly with me on the moon! Signed, Kaitou Kid."_

"Another letter from KID?" Heiji piped up, jumping up to try and read it.

"Why are you snooping?"

"Detectives do everything for evidence." He chirped.

"Oi, oi..." I grumbled.

"Don't oi, oi me, Kudo!"

"Don't 'Kudo' me, then." I scolded.

"What am I supposed to call ya, then?" Heiji said, looking utterly bewildered.

"HEIJI, DON'T GET ALL UP IN HIS FACE, KUDO-KUN NEEDS TO INVESTIGATE!"

Ah, thank goodness Kazuha was still here.

"And besides, Heiji," She said, "I made breakfast for you both."

Both of us stared.

"Ya made b-breakfast, 'Zuha?" Heiji said, before starting to laugh.

"Don't laugh, aho! Ran-chan helped me make it."

Oh, if Ran helped, then it must be good.

'Or not,' I thought, upon eying the badly burned things that barely resembled pancakes.

"Don't they look great?"

Both of us facepalmed.

"It looks great, Zuha!" He said, as a pile of burnt pancakes were set in front of a terrified Heiji.

"This is Ran-chan's batch!" She said, setting out ones that actually looked good.

"Can I switch my food?" Heiji asked.

But the glare that Kazuha sent him made him reconsider.

"What's wrong with my pancakes? Sure, they're singed, but they must be good."

The second Hattori put one in his mouth, he turned green.

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" He yelped as he rushed for the bathroom.

"What did I do wrong, Kudo-kun?" She asked.

"Um, I dunno," I said, "It tasted kinda brittle, on second thought, it tastes good." I said.

"Oh, I'm glad to hear that." She said.

I forced myself to eat the mush, just to be polite, (and then spat it out in a napkin, you know how I am.)

"What does Ran-chan have in cooking that I don't?" She pouted.

I don't know, for some reason, Ran is a genius cook and that's probably because of her mom-oh shit, how was I going to handle her?

She's always been scary.

If anyone would be the head of the-no, don't even finish that thought, I told myself.

Besides, if anything happened to Ran, Kogoro would be after me with a shotgun.

Old Man Mouri still hated Hattori, and Hattori hated him back. Every time they met, they would start fighting.

Thank goodness Ran stood up for him and prevented Old Man Mouri from practicing child abuse. However, that didn't stop him from branding me all kinds of unsavory names just because I happened to be standing there.

"Shinichi, do you like your pancakes?" Ran said.

"They're very good!" I said.

She flushed. "I'm glad you like them. But what about Sasaki-kun? What did you do, Kazuha-chan? They're all black and singed!"

"I think maybe I might've put them in for too long..."

"That's for sure-" Heiji said, having returned, looking green in the face.

I immediately shushed him.

"I thought Sasaki-kun said something negative about my cooking," Kazuha whispered.

"Kazuha-chan, he's just a kid. If anything, Shinichi must be influencing him." Ran shot me a death glare for no reason.

"R-Ran, why are you suddenly blaming me?" I stammered.

Suddenly, the sound of a text blaring on Heiji's phone startled all of us.

Both of us whipped our heads to see who could possibly be texting a missing detective.

The text was from Hattori Heiji, saying "Zuha's cooking still sucks to this day!"

"Heiji-niisan texted us!" "Haise" said, holding it up.

"You sent that yourself, didn't you?" I said.

"Oh, so that's Hattori-kun, can't we see him face to face?" Ran said.

I flinched. Considering that the Hattori Heiji was currently a child, that was impossible to replicate, the answer was no since our person we needed wasn't in.

Then, two more texts came in saying, "Nah, can't do it, got too much detective work to do. But whenever I'm free, I'll let you guys know. Zuha, control yer temper."

"Heiji, did you send those messages?" Kazuha asked.

"Come to think of it, I just played along. I didn't send any of those messages." Heiji admitted.

"Aha, I get the feeling _he_ has decided to cooperate with us."

"You mean-"

"Yes, he has decided to cooperate with us. Isn't that good?"

"I don't know why yer smirkin', Kudo, do ya like the guy or somethin'?"

"Not really, in fact I hate him."

"Hate _who_ , Shinichi?" Ran asked.

"N-No one in particular!" I snapped.

"You sure?" She said suspiciously. "You know, I had a dream about you wearing glasses, Shinichi!"

"That'd never happen, I have 20/20 vision, remember? Holmes doesn't need imperfect eyesight!"

"Shinichi..."

"What?" I said mischievously.

"Don't start being a mystery nerd!" She cried.

"Um, Ran-chan, there's a kid here." Kazuha said.

"Oh, sorry!" Ran said, bowing.

"It's all right." Heiji said. "Are you and Shinichi-oniisan a couple?"

* * *

"C-Cou-"

"Ple?" I stammered. "No way! We're just close friends, is all!"

"Shinichi," She said, tugging on my arm, the blush still on her face as she led me aside. "What did you mean by if I fell, you'd catch me?"

"Just that! I'll help you get back on your feet, because that's what true friends do for each other!"

"Bakanichi, I know you mean more than that!" She yelled.

"Your pancakes are fantastic, Ran. I just wanna let you know that no matter what you might go through, I'll always be there for you!"

"Are you looking up some motivational quotes or something?" She snapped, "Never mind! A detective like you could never figure out what's going on in my head?"

"Of course I can! I've known you for the longest time, Ran! You're dying to hear some Holmes, aren't you?"

"YOU DETECTIVE NERD!"

The next thing I knew, she had whacked the wall with her fist.

"Ran-chan, the leftover pancakes are burning!"

"Oh, crud!" She cried, running out, leaving me shaking.

"Kudo, whenever you try to be nice to women-"

"I know, it doesn't work out well." I said, "But somehow, I think I've won Ran over."

"SHINICHI!"

 **Or maybe I haven't.**

"Shinichi, explain to me why you were able to eat my pancakes, but not Kazuha-chan's!"

 _"Uhhhhhh."_

"Run." Heiji said.

I agreed.

Kudo danger levels are up to ten thousand.

Best to just confess.

So I did.

And just avoided having my ass kicked by karate thanks to "Haise" sticking up for me and admitting that he'd had some of my pancakes, too.

"Thanks for saving my ass," I muttered.

"Ya owe me one, Kudo." He muttered back.


	9. Chapter 9 Love Stinks

_A_ _ **/N: Guess who has ideas! Me? It's my mom's birthday in a couple days. I got her this lovely ring for Christmas, I'm so eager for her to wear it and try it on. It's not what she's unwrapping for her birthday though.**_

 _ **Lol, I accidentally misidentified this chapter as the second part of one of my reviews. So it was almost lost. I freaked, thinking I got it deleted then found it and was like, yay! So, yeah, it's past Xmas now by the time you read this, and also, Grandma took the ring. She now thinks I got it for her and we're keeping it that way as Mom's fingers didn't fit the ring.**_

 _ **So, in this chapter, we /might/ see some instances of Shinichi's past life, which I have not alluded to as much as in my other fics (glances over at Aureus Ductor, I love that fic so much but I need to cherish and indulge these OCs and give em some love) but you will see some of that past life of hers shown here. In this chapter, our boys get into a fight with our girls and just can't seem to figure them out. That, and oh, shit, an actual mystery occurs. What luck.**_

 _ **Can the author pull together and actually flesh out a mystery plot, or will he fail dramatically? Stay tuned, for the next exciting, action-packed episode of Dragon-sorry, I'm waxing nostalgic there. DBZ was my fucking childhood, man. Idc what anyone says-Funimation dub was my childhood. Still love it to this day.**_

 _ **So I will be Cha Ha La Head Chala-ing my way through this chapter.**_

 _ **Chapter 9 Girls are difficult (in which Hattori and I are thoroughly puzzled by the confusing natures of the female sex-wait, should I understand that or not?)**_

* * *

 _I lay on my bed, my laptop open and streaming the episode of Detective Conan, my eyes focused on the screen._

 _"Goddammit, Shinichi, why don't you tell her already?" I moaned. "The Shinichi and Ran ship isn't going to go anywhere at this point."_

 _I frowned and watched the anime episode continue on its merry little way, ignoring all the conflicts this episode created between Shinichi and Ran._

 _"Ran, I swear I'll be back home soon!" I heard Conan say._

 _"Oh, cut it, you're the most lying liar in the history of liars." I said, "Well, not as bad as Gin, but still..." I sipped some alcohol from a glass on the table, it was vermouth, actually, pun not intended._

 _"Are you going to the party tonight?" My friend, Jessie, texted._

 _"Yeah, I'll be there around seven." I said, texting her back._

 _"See you then, Kimmy. Having fun watching murder magnet?"_

 _"Shut up, it's just a show," I wrote back._

 _After all, it was just a simple show, right?_

 _Right?_

 _I swore as I was driving to my friend's party that I almost hit a figure dressed in white and blinked twice. It was gone._

 _"I need to quit drinking so much alcohol." I muttered, "Losing my mind."_

 _After all, the day you see KID crossing the street, you know you're nuts._

 _Then I stepped out of the car...and was greeted by Hattori Heiji and Kazuha, arguing on their motorcycle._

 _"I must be dreaming..." I muttered, "Weirdest dream, though."_

 _"Hey, whose side are you on?" Heiji said, pointing at me, "Me or hers?"_

 _"Hey, don't suddenly ask random people to pick in your silly detective games!" Kazuha scolded._

 _"Kazuha, you aho, are ya blind, that's...that's-"_

 _But his words were drowned out by Kazuha grabbing at his ear and lecturing him._

 _As I went to the party, my eyes widened as I saw that the host was none other than a certain phantom thief, decked out in a bartender's outfit and grinning from ear to ear._

 _"A toast, Meitantei-san?" He said jauntily, holding out a glass of...vermouth?_

 _Wait, meitantei-san?_

 _What kind of dream was this?_

 _Any dream where anyone calls me meitantei must be insane._

 _"Oi, Kudo! I found you! You gotta try this, it's so good! Oi, Kudoooo!" There was Heiji again._

 _But why was he calling me Kudo?_

 _Suddenly, the bartender morphed into the figure of Vermouth, who put her hand over her mouth and said, "A secret is what makes a woman a woman...right, Silver Bullet?"_

 _I barely had time to mutter her name before suddenly, a bullet was being fired at me and then-blackness..._

 _"Kudo!"_

* * *

I was dead.

"Kudoooooo!"

 _Definitely_ dead.

More specifically, playing dead, just to get a certain chibi brat off my back.

"KUDOOOO, WAKE UP! YER LATE!"

"W-What?" I grumbled, sitting up and looking at the clock, before I panicked. We were both late.

"Where's Ran?" I cried, scrambling to my feet and frowning at my tousled hair in the mirror.

"She waited out there for ya, then got angry and stormed off to school. It's just me and Kazuha-chan who are with ya today, Kudo. I don't know why she's so mad, though."

"Eh? Hattori, I don't recall having said anything to make her upset." I said, frowning.

He nudged me in the ribs. "You know, I know...in yer sleep, you were whispering a girl's name. Some American chick you like? Something like...Kimi...something. Now Mouri-san knows and she's jealous, see?"

Seconds later, Hattori found himself with a giant goose egg on his head and soccer balls being pelted at him.

"Baarou, why would you assume Ran would be jealous? I'm not seein' any girls at all! They're just fangirls that send me letters and emails and stuff!" I complained, showing Hattori the phone with all the "MARRY ME, KUDO" messages written on it in ink.

"Come to think of it, yer right. If they married you, they'd die." Hattori said.

"Heiji, quit teasing him! He needs to get ready for school." Kazuha said, grabbing the little pain in the ass away from me, in time for me to scramble into the shower and then get dressed, all the while cursing my alarm clock for not turning on.

What had the point of that dream been, anyway?

Kaitou Kid as a bartender?

Please.

I wanted to punch-er, punt the arrogant jerk in the face the second I saw him.

Okay, in my book, Hattori, Shinichi and Saguru were much cooler, but now that I was Shinichi, it felt like I was a narcissist to say that I was in love with myself.

"Please never think that again," I begged my mind before heading downstairs and jamming a piece of toast in my mouth.

Hattori was helping himself to some ramen, (my emergency stock, because I couldn't cook worth shit.)

"Oi, oi, is there a reason you're eating that?" I growled.

"Kudo, you are in a foul mood today." Heiji teased, "It's because he dreamed about a gi-"

"A giant murder case I was gonna solve! Yeah, that's it, hahaha!" I said, causing both Kazuha and Heiji to look at me oddly.

"Ya know, I feel like that girl Suzuki might've put some ideas about ya into Ran-chan's head." Kazuha said, "I need to go talk some sense into her. Tell her there's nothing wrong with you."

"Eh...I'm not so sure that's a good idea." I said.

* * *

As we entered the school, the horde of fangirls appeared, suddenly hissing insults at an oblivious Kazuha as we both walked past ("Haise" had been dropped off at elementary school earlier.)

"Lay off, she's not my girlfriend."

The girls on either side tensed, then smiled. It was a terrifying sight.

"Hey, where's Mouri-san? I thought she was Kudo's girl!"

My face flushed.

I kept on walking.

Sometimes, that's all you've gotta do.

"Ran..." I tried to get her attention in class, but all I got was a death glare sent my way and some vaguely terrifying words. From the dark aura surrounding her, I knew she was upset, but about what?

Why were girls...why were girls so-

* * *

-With "Haise-

"WHY ARE GIRLS SO FRUSTRATIN'!"

Whoops, I was too loud there.

The glares sent my way by Freckle Boy and Fat Kid do not cease.

"Are you insultin' Ayumi-chan?" Fat kid says.

"For the last time, I don't have any interest in datin' yer girl. She's all yours."

"W-Who said we were into her like that?" Freckle Boy snapped. "Sasaki, you've heard wrong! She's our friend!"

"It seems Sasaki-kun should treat women better, hm?" The annoying voice of that blond girl I dislike says, shooting me a smirk that's absolutely 100% evil. I swear she came from hell just to torture me.

"You don't have anyone you like?" Ayumi asks.

"No." I said.

Well, there is...w-why am I thinkin' of Kazuha?

She's just an annoyin', troublesome pain in the ass.

And we're just friends, that's all there is ta that.

Besides, Kudou must be having a field day compared ta me.

* * *

"WHY ARE GIRLS SO FRUSTRATING?"

If anything, the gouges I was carving in the lunch tray with my fork became longer as I dug the fork into the fake plastic of the tray, cutting it apart.

"Relax, Kudo," Kazuha chided.

"It's just hard to...when she won't even _look_ at me! What's going on with her?" I snapped.

"I think she thinks there's something going on with us, Kudo-kun." Kazuha said, "I'll explain it all right now!"

"No, now's not a good time." I said, noticing that Sonoko was indeed there with Ran.

"Kudo-kun and I are just friends!" She yelled to Ran, who flushed before looking even angrier.

"Did I do the right thing or the wrong thing?" She asked.

"Wrong," I whispered, stabbing my steak with my knife.

"Kudo's snapped, now he'll kill someone like in those murders he always comes across!"

"Remember that time one of his cases had someone stab another person with a fork?"

I rolled my eyes. "Barou, that was a projectile caused by an explosion. The fork happened to fly onto the person's skull and pierce their brain. Coincidence."

Well, if Miss Grumpy wasn't going to give me an answer, I swore I would find it out myself.

After lunch, I got a glimpse of Ran trying to leave the cafeteria.

"Ran!" I called.

She stopped, hesitantly.

"What's up with you today? You've been avoiding me! Is it because I slept in? If so, I'm sorry!" I said casually.

She gasped. "Shinichi, how can you even come near me after what you did?"

"Me? What did I do?" I said.

"W-Why, last night, last night you showed up at my house and you k-k-kissed me!" She yelped, covering her face with her hands.

Oh my god.

This wasn't real.

A certain thief was so _fucking_ dead.

I made a mental note to drag along as many kinds of seafood as possible, living or dead, to the next KID heist with me. Possibly have a helicopter covered in them, if at all possible.

"That wasn't me, Ran," I said cheerfully. "Someone posed as me to embarrass you."

"Posed as-" She began, "But you were-"

"Ran, what color are my eyes?" I said.

"Blue?" She said.

"What color were this person's eyes?" I said cheerfully.

"V-Violet." She said.

"Then it wasn't me, simple enough! And also, me and Toyama-san are only friends." I said, looking at her reassuringly. "You don't need to worry about me so much. I'm always gonna be here, ready to support you-"

"You jerk!" She cried, suddenly punching the wall. "That's so hokey! What kind of joke are you playing on me, Shinichi? There's obviously some other girl you consider much more interesting to be around and talk to, like all your fanmail."

I pulled out a piece of fanmail before throwing it to the ground and stepping on it. "You're more important than that, Ran. Don't you ever say that about yourself. You see, the truth is that I...I..."

"You what...?" She said, looking at me in suspicion.

Please don't karate chop me into next week.

"I really like you, Ran. I think you're quite cute and strong. I like that about you."

"Shinichi..." Her face was flushing red. "Are you _really_ Shinichi?"

Next thing I knew, my jaw was being stretched out farther than it should be.

"Yes, I'm Shinichi!" I snapped. "Geez, Ran, relax." I said.

"I can't relax," She said, "What did you mean by me being cute?"

"Well, you're cute, but you're also kinda volatile sometimes, too. And a bit too tomboyish."

"SHINICHIIIIIIII!"

Upon being pursued by an angry Ran, I had to convince myself that things were like usual.

* * *

Ran's POV

Does Shinichi like me?

Could he really like me?

No, that's not possible.

But if it wasn't him who kissed me last night, then who was it?

Elsewhere, Kuroba Kaito shuddered as he felt a sudden aura of complete hatred overwhelm him.

"It feels like someone wants me dead..." He muttered.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Here we are with the next chapter! We will show Yukiko and Yusaku's thoughts on their son suddenly acting smarter and how his behavior changed a little bit and how they were not stupid. If anything, the Kudos are some of the most brilliant parents in the world.**

 **Sorry guys, I've been a little inactive thanks to some bs that sprang up on another website. Let's just say bullies aren't as clever as they think they are. I'm grateful that this fandom is so loving and kind. They accept whatever crazy, insane bs I throw their way. Thanks for always being there, guys. You who read and don't review but alert, I see you. You who read and review and also alert and favorite, I see you, too. You who alert and fave and don't review, I see you as well.**

 **You guys help me make it through things like my depression. Thank you for being there over the past 9 years I've been here. I wouldn't be anywhere if it weren't for you guys. Thank you.**

 **Now, onto the chapter. Some flashbacks, some snark, like usual.**

* * *

Chapter 10 The Snark of The Teenage Detective (or in other words, you're not as clever as you think you are, Shinichi); and Parent Trapped, Part 1!

Parents aren't stupid.

Let me tell you that again, parents are _not_ stupid.

They know you better than you know yourself. Unfortunately for me, Okaasan and Otousan noticed early on that I was not an ordinary child, although they weren't surprised, considering that they were good parents and very, very sharp, and very strange parents.

So, since I was an adult trapped in the body of a child, (I just had to use that pun, considering who I was!) some of my behavior _inevitably_ struck them as strange and not child-like. Which made me think I could sneak anything past good ol Kaasan-in the show, she's such a ditz!

But darn, she was a lot smarter than I gave her credit for.

For example, one time I thought I could get away with staying up late and watching an R-rated movie. It didn't occur to me that Mother could, and would, be aware of me staying up late. Regardless of my adult mind, I _did_ get found out and dragged back to bed.

"But, Kaasan! I wanted to watch that!" I complained.

"Shin-chan, you aren't supposed to be up this late!" Yukiko cried, glancing at the clock before dragging me upstairs.

The absolute best part, though, is when I showed myself to be precocious by asking questions about fun subjects like sex. Oh, how great it is to look like a genius child.

"So, Kaasan, what's sex?" I said, when I was about eight.

Kaasan practically choked on her food. "Did you tell him about that, Yusaku?"

"No. Perhaps he read about it in one of my books." He said, "It's a part of life!"

"He's too young to read about that!"

Thus started a loving quarrel between the two before Yukiko told me I wasn't to read such things again. Never piss off Yukiko Kudo if you can help it.

Even if you're her kid, she will not have mercy on you.

The one fun thing, though, was being able to help Ran secretly through the trials of womanhood. I had been there once, I understood what it was like to experience cramps. I knew what periods felt like.

 _"Sensei, I need to use the bathroom!"_

 _Ran sure had been using the bathroom a lot today._

 _My eyes widened._

 _Oh no, was it that time again?_

 _Oh man._

 _Ran came back, looking irritated and agitated._

 _What, was it heavy or something-oh, crap, I knew that face. It was the Ran's gonna kill someone face. She must be frustrated about something. Then it hit me._

 _What if she forgot to bring-_

 _Oh, dear god. The humiliation of that-I can clearly remember._

 _No one quite forgets when you go to school with blood on your clothes. At least, the kids at my school didn't let me forget. That was the day I chose to wear white pants, a big mistake, then._

 _Turning, I searched in my bag-and found it. I'd specifically asked Okaasan about what happened to females during puberty and she'd snickered before giving me the box, thinking I would laugh or get embarrassed about it. Imagine how surprised she was upon seeing me just casually accept it._

 _Now, she was far enough away from her desk, I could just sneak it and give it to her-bingo._

 _I did it successfully and crept back to my desk, a KID-like grin etched on my face as I sat there, pretending I hadn't moved a muscle, while secretly watching Ran out of the corner of my eye._

 _She sat back down, and suddenly her hand brushed up against something. Curiously, she poked her head into her desk, and her face went beet red, but still, she was smiling widely as she took the box and threw it into her purse and ran out the door._

 _Cue the conversation I heard at lunchtime, pretending to have my head buried in a mystery novel._

 _"Sonoko-chan, thanks for giving me this! I really needed them earlier!"_

 _"Huh? What are you talking about? I didn't give you those." Sonoko said, shooting a glance at me for some reason. I felt like she could read minds._

 _"Well, if you didn't, then who did?" Ran didn't even look in my direction. She probably thought I was the ignorant guy who didn't even notice when she had issues._

 _Yeah, right._

 _"Shinichi, did you put that in my desk?" She asked._

 _Oh shit, I was caught._

 _"Okaasan asked me to give you them. I don't know what they're for, but I did as she asked. It's some girl thing, right?" I said, acting all cool and cocky like always._

 _"Oh, that makes sense. Of course she would understand! Not like you would understand, Shinichi!" She laughed, "Must've been embarrassing for you, huh? To have to drag something girly to school!"_

 _"Not really." I said._

 _I guess another thing that always baffled her was how I never looked up her skirt when the wind blew. I'd had guys do that to me in the past. They got a good kick in the face and then Kimmy was sent to the principal's office for the fifteenth time that week, where I tried to argue that kicking the guy in the face was the right punishment for him being a perv. That argument did not work and instead I was given more detention._

 _The next time around, the same guy tried to bug me, so instead I kicked him in the nuts. That made him stop for good._

 _But after having this body, I think I can safely say I no longer feel proud about kicking him there. It fucking hurts to be hit there._

* * *

"Oi, Kudo!"

A child's voice.

Who could that be?

"Kudo, get your head out of fantasy land and wake the hell up already! There's an Ellery Queen movie on, ya can't miss it!"

Oh boy, what exciting stuff.

"Hattori..." I grumbled, "Stop. I need sleep after that murder case last night. It kept us up until 2 am."

"And the entire time, that Megure guy was goin', you shouldn't bring kids with you, Kudo! Who the hell does he think he is? I ain't no kid!"

Ah, yes, Hattori was on one of his frequent rants about being seen as a kid. These happened quite often, and it irritated him very much. There wasn't much Hattori didn't get irritated at.

"Hattori, the whole world sees you differently now." I said, through a yawn. "And I've heard this ten thousand times, can I please go back to sleep?"

"Hey, Kudo, how old were ya when ya first had a body drop dead around you?"

That earned him a pelt from a soccer ball.

"Too young."

"Where was the body?"

He really needed some help, to be this excited about death.

"In the bathroom. I went to go open the door to the stall, and this dead guy comes falling out. Needless to say, I wasn't pleased."

I quickly discovered that the Kudo curse fucking sucked.

At first, Kaasan and Tousan just thought it was a coincidence, but after people dropped dead at the museum, at my own school, at the library, they quickly figured out somehow, I attracted death without meaning to.

Perhaps death was mad that I had gotten another chance at life? Angry that I hadn't completely died in that car crash?

It was probably just a fluke that I'd wound up here as Shinichi. Logic trumps reason, but when you've been dead once and suddenly you're alive again, suddenly logic seems a bit weird.

"That sounds totally cool!" Hattori yelped, cutting through my inner ramblings and annoying me yet again.

"It sucked, baarou. Haven't we watched this Ellery Queen movie already?"

"No, we didn't!"

"It's the exact same one as the one we watched last week." I grumbled. Why didn't the Detective Boys stop by more often to take him off my hands?

Why did I say that?

Right now, I was the only companion he had (besides Kazuha) who understood what had happened to him, and who knew he wasn't actually a kid. Ran babied the hell out of him, Agasa didn't really know him, Haibara creeped him out (for now, they seemed to be getting along better, though she preferred to annoy me most of all), and KID irritated him (that bit, I was proud of, I've raised him well.)

I rubbed my temples before sitting up.

"It isn't the same one, Kudo."

"Hattori, let's go out somewhere. I'm tired of sitting in here." I said in annoyance. Why else do you think I hung around with Ran so much? The house can be really painful and empty sometimes.

It reminds me that Kudo Shinichi is a social outcast who needs more friends. Books do not equal friends.

It wasn't like anything new was happening-aw, shit. My eyes widened.

It was...oh, geez, they were coming.

My parents were coming back. No wonder I felt agitated and wanted to get away.

I knew I wouldn't be able to, and that Ran would insist on coming with me to meet them.

Mom would be all over me like always, but probably more on Haise. She often spoke of wanting to meet him a lot. Hattori reacted to that the way you'd expect: he was scared.

Dad would be his usual distant self.

"Hattori, you do remember who's coming, right?"

"Who?" He asked.

"My parents."

His face turned pale.

"So basically, you need to act like a child. They're not that stupid, they pick up on things, trust me. They can tell who's a real child and who isn't."

"You sound like you've had experience." Hattori said.

"Trust me, when you're pretty intelligent as a kid, your parents tend to be a bit weird." I said. 'Oi, oi, it's not like I didn't think they didn't know. There were so many close calls.'

Like that time I'd casually brought up sex or mentioned alcohol, which drew me odd stares from my parents as they demanded to know where I'd heard about such things. After all, what kind of nine year old mentions wanting to drink beer?

I admit, I was a drinker in the past. Now, though, I avoided it.

"Mine are weird, too." He muttered. "Hey, Kudo, I've been wonderin' about somethin'. How is it you've been so cool this whole time about me turning into a kid? Ya never seem surprised by it or anythin'."

Oh shit.

"Because I saw you shrink and I carried you as it happened." I said, my default defense to this accusation.

He blinked. "Oh."

"Well, I'm glad Ran's not here to see us talk like this, eh, Hattori-"

* * *

The door opened, and Ran stepped in.

"Shinichi, did you say Hattori?"

Kazuha stood behind her, very pale.

"He means Haise-kun!"

Ran turned to look from Kazuha to Hattori (who was very pale) and to me.

"Shinichi, you can't fool me any longer. I know what it is you've been hiding this whole time."

Oh shit, this did not sound good. Not at all.

"Ran, he's just a kid." I said.

"I _heard_ you call him Hattori!" She said accusingly. "And Kazuha-chan keeps calling him that, too!"

Kazuha winced. "I-I called him that by coincidence!"

"Ran, you don't honestly believe a teenager can be a little kid, right? We've been over this, it's absurd." I said, shaking slightly.

"Shinichi, I've seen the way you talk to him, like he's an adult. I'm not fooled. Why don't you speak for yourself, Haise..or should I say, _Hattori Heiji_?" She said sharply.

Heiji was speechless. "I'm just a kid!" He chirped. His acting skills have improved.

"Yeah, don't gang up on an innocent kid!" Kazuha said.

"I'm sure he's your friend and you're covering up for him!" Ran said to Kazuha. "Why else would you come from Osaka to here?"

"Because I liked the area!" She said.

Heiji did something I didn't expect, he started fake crying, which immediately threw Ran for a loop.

It was the worst acting I'd ever heard, but it fooled Ran.

"See, he is just a child!" Kazuha cried. "Would a teenager cry like that?"

Yes.

She glanced back over at me and I wore the disapproving face.

"He is just a kid, Ran. He just so happens to be related to him. Your yelling scared him."

"I'm sorry, Haise. I know you're a good kid." She said, hugging Hattori.

As she left, she turned to face me. "Shinichi, I'll be by to say hi to your parents!"

"Boobs..." Hattori whispered.

"Heiji!" Kazuha hissed.

"Sorry...it's a natural instinct."

Heiji now had a goose egg on his head.

"Kazuha, you didn't have to condescend to me."

"She's gonna find out sooner or later." Kazuha said, "We're not really acting well."

"That's for sure." I muttered.

"Kudo-kun, I wish Heiji was as good at acting as ya are. He stinks at it. Your crying was so fake a five year old would think it was fake."

"Oh yeah, well, what about the look on yer face, Zuha? It didn't look real, either!"

The arguing started again.

I put my hands over my ears.

But this was home, I guessed, and it was better to hear a noisy house than none at all.


	11. Chapter 11 Dreams

_A/N: Okay, I've been gone for like,_ _ **forever.**_ _But I have a good explanation, I swear. I've had schoolwork burying me alive, then family issues, and still more carpal tunnel. But after a year, this fic is finally being updated, so rejoice! Some of Shin's family history is being revealed, so I hope you all like this. Another fluffy fun chapter cuz I'm bad with doing dramatic Shinichi. That and she's pretty much the snarkiest of all my ocs, lol._

 _Someone has moved into my house with me and I'm not able to record (I record all of my plunnies lol on a little bitty device.) Also, I've had bad writer's block, so here we are. I just want you all to see Kimmy's life before she became a guy, you know. I feel like her and Duo are much more accepting of their switching in sex, lol._

 _I've seen there's an Aoko one around. It's good and I hope they continue. Tbh, people need to put more sis into other communities, like seriously, stop doing only Naruto and come give others your love. Also, I want less sister/brother fic and more of canon females and canon males._

 _GIVE ME ETO SI ISTG!_

 _(why am I always the one writing these things?)_

 _Anyway, I hope for all of you guys' sakes that the shitty EU law doesn't become canon, otherwise you will not be able to visit my fics and see my stories and I don't want to lose any of my readers iyaaaaaaaa._

 _Thank you all for always being so patient and understanding and please do keep reviewing! (my main computer isn't working with keyboard, so I mostly update via school computers hahahahaaha. Gotta keep the language clean.)_

 _Maybe distant voices will be updated. I'll see how I feel._

 _there's so many food references in this chapter-too much watching of Nailed it, tbh. Shin needs to go on there and screw up._

 _Psst: sometime soon I'll post a list of oc si ideas I don't wanna use, just let me know if you want any. Maybe like..four or five ideas? Idek. I know it's a shit chapter, but take it, anyway._

Chapter 11 Past musings and will Hattori please stop being annoying?

* * *

As I lay there sleeping, my mind drifted back to thoughts of my past life that I'd had before I'd come here. It was hard to remember sometimes because I just...didn't think about it much. I had a busy life here and such that I just didn't think much on the past or dwell on it. I'm more of a here and now type of girl-er, guy, I guess. That's sort of one thing that's like the canon protagonist, I guess. Anyway, I found myself thinking of the boyfriend I used to have back before I'd come here.

He was a great boyfriend, and you don't find many of those.

I had a good family in the past-still do, even if they are a bit neglectful sometimes. They really should be more involved, I've tried telling them that from day one, but you know how rich people are. I mean, only in a manga universe is it okay to leave your kid behind at age fourteen. They'd probably be charged with criminal neglect and arrested in my old world, but this isn't that world. Aside from all the dead people dropping everywhere I go, it's not as bad as it could've been. At least I'm not in like, Attack on Titan or something. That would be pretty terrifying.

(I was middle-class in my past life, so I had no real way of understanding that stuff until it happened to me.)

Anyways, back to my past-I was going to class in high school and he happened to have coffee and he spilled it all over my shirt. It was ruined, so I got upset at first, but upon seeing him apologize, I let the matter go and then we became fast friends. Soon, I realized I had a thing for him and he returned it. We were dating within a few months.

He was awkward, dorky and shy, doesn't that sound familiar? However, unlike me, he could actually cook food that was tasty, and he proceeded to resolve to make every dinner, upon realizing that I could not cook worth a damn without something going wrong. He was warm, kind, and funny and he also reminded me of Hattori, too.

His name was...Sam.

Sam was a great person, really, I still do miss him. He liked watching anime with me like Detective Conan.

(I still wonder what he would think of me being the main character.)

And if I remember correctly, Kaitou Kid was his favorite character.

 _"_ Sam?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He said.

"You're going the wrong way."

"I'm not!" He complained, like how most men do when told they're wrong.

"You are."

Then, he conceded defeat and then he decided to thrill me by being a daredevil and speeding on the road. Needless to say, I was terrified and excited at the same time. That's why I'm used to Kaasan's antics-I've had to deal with it all before.

We'd been engaged to be married before I died in that car accident. I wonder how he took it. Was he crying at my funeral? Did he miss me? Or did he move on to another woman after me?

I don't often think about him much anymore, but as I thought about him, I fell asleep and had a crazy dream.

 _I was cooking food and screwing up again, and for some reason, Haibara was the judge, looking at me in askance before saying all my food tasted like shit._

 _Then, Kaitou Kid came in and tried to steal Hattori, only for me to hit him with a soccer ball. Then, Okaasan came in the room, but she had the head of a fish._

 _Strange things they are, dreams._

 _I staggered out on the street, covered in my own blood and falling on the road._

 _Then, I heard a familiar voice._

 _"Kudooo!"_

 _Oh great, Detective Conan is in my dreams again._

 _"Kudooo!"_

 _Oh wait, that's right. Maybe if I just pretend I'm dead, Hattori will leave me alone._

 _"Kudo, I know you're awake! I set the stove on fire!"_

 _WHAT?_

* * *

The mystery novel I'd been reading before I'd drifted off fell with a loud bang on the floor, waking me up more as I shot up.

I glared at the small boy, "What did you do?"

"I-I-I know ya said not to cook...but I got hungry...and I-I wanted to, and there was smoke and I opened the windows...and.." He coughed, and then I was thankful he'd woken me up for that...just a little bit.

Oh shit, that was Mom's prize stove. When she gets back and sees that, I am literally dead. I am not dying a second time, thank you. Moms give birth to you and they know how to kill you utterly. Mom was very, very protective of her stuff. But the pot was burned, and so indeed was the pristine white stove. I slammed the lid down, putting the fire out as soon as I rushed over there. This is why guys don't cook, cuz they inevitably screw it up.

"Mom's gonna murder me thanks to you." I muttered in annoyance, "Hattori, please don't ever do that again. Next time, leave the cooking to Ran or Toyama-san."

Everyone knew my cooking skills were virtually zero.

"Why are ya acting so close with her?" He asked.

Was he jealous? He's totally jealous. The worst part is, he's so oblivious to his feelings...how to get out of this one?

"She's your girlfriend, not mine." I said.

Instantly, his face turned red. "She's my friend, I don't know where you've somehow deduced that, but it's wrong."

Denial is a big river in Egypt, only for Heiji it must be eternally flowing.

Just then, the door opened and Kazuha entered, carrying food.

"Heiji, what's that smell? It smells like burned food! How many times do I have to tell you, don't try to cook when I'm not here!"

And so the love spat begins anew.

"But I was hungry-" Was all he managed to say.

"Don't do it, ya ahou, you can wait until I come back before tryin' to get Kudo-san killed via burnin' his house down."

"Last I checked, Zuha, aren't ya the one who put a pineapple cake upside down because the recipe called it that?"

Uh oh, he's done it again. Bring up that stupid incident and watch her explode. Hattori is terrible with women.

"Excuse me, but it was called pineapple upside down cake, how was I supposed to know ya weren't supposed to do that? At least it tasted good."

"It wasn't literal, Zuha, and it didn't taste good at all. It tasted burned."

He's digging his own grave here and isn't even aware of it.

I swear that it reminds me a lot of how my Tousan sometimes acted aware of how "precocious" I was, that kinda freaked me out a few times.

If that man is psychic, it explains how he writes a lot of his novels.

* * *

Earlier that day, Hattori had had his friends come over, much to his annoyance (I can tell he's getting fond of them, it's hard not to like the Detective Boys.)

"Ya know, Heiji, I think that Ayumi-chan likes you." Oh no, Kazuha is loading her artillery.

"What, how can she, she's younger than me!" He yelped.

"Well, she's always blushin' when lookin' at ya..."

Oh great, it's that dilemma. The seven year old liking the seventeen year old.

"Make sure you're not being a pedo," was all I had to offer on that subject.

"I ain't a pedophile!" He cried.

"You like them young, huh? Creep." She said scornfully, "Don't think I didn't see you and Kudo tryin' to sneak into the girls' room last time."

"Hattori was the one who tried to get me to do it." I said, keeping my eyes on the book.

"Are you sure ya ain't gay?" She asked.

"I've often wondered about that myself." Hattori said, but she glared at him and leaned back, seemingly satisfied with having cornered him on something.

I decided to just remain quiet, because when in the past as a female, anything and everything can set you off. So I resolved to not put myself into a spot, either, and stuck my head back in the book.

"Also, ya might wanna leave Ran-chan alone today. She's uh..."

"What? What's wrong with her?" He asked.

"She's kinda in a bad mood, so don't set her off. It's..." She began.

"She's on her period, right?" I said bluntly.

Kazuha looked stunned that I'd even said the word period. "Yeah, so don't set her off, okay?"

"Right, right. I know how that works." I said, disinterestedly.

I think I killed Hattori-the look on his face was so comical.

Sure enough, Ran came in, looking happy and under her arms there was a chocolate bar.

"Someone keeps leaving these in my locker, I think I have a secret admirer." She said happily.

Hattori furiously glanced over at me, as if trying to confirm his suspicions as to who that secret admirer was.

I managed a jealous face.

"Kudo's got competition..." He muttered.

Seriously, could he not tell it was me?

Also, how hypocritical to be aware of when someone else likes a girl, but you still keep denying your obvious feelings for your girl who is just a friend.

"Say, Kazuha-chan, who in the world do you think would be sticking chocolate and pads in my locker on that time every month? Every time I look, it's always there."

Kazuha spat out her drink. "No doubt it's someone who knows you well."

I started to sweat a little.

Oh shit.

"I bet it was Sonoko."

"It probably is Sonoko-chan, but..." Her eyes lingered on me for a second.

I pretended to be doing anything else, because how in the world do I tell Ran, yes, I used to have a vagina, so I understand what you're going through one hundred percent?

No way she'd believe that.

"Shinichi!" She said, "Who do you think put those in there?"

Oh shit, I'm caught.

"Uh...I don't know."

"Well, you're a boy anyways, you wouldn't understand."

"I think it was Kudo."

And Kazuha betrayed me.

Hattori was snickering. "No way..."

"Shinichi is as oblivious as a rock to girls' feelings."

Ouch, that hurt.

I turned another page of the book, although my face was heating up a bit.

"I bet your mom told you to always do this, right?"

Figures that she would jump to that conclusion.

"Yeah...it was Okaasan's idea, she told me about those weird things girls go through that make them...moody and on edge."

"It's not weird, but tell your mom thank you, I guess." She said.

"No problem, I'll tell her."

"Kudo's pretty polite for a guy." Kazuha said.

"No, he's quite a gentleman, but he's also a dork, clumsy and kind of stupid."

At this my face turned red. Why would she think that?

"And...kind of..."

I was listening for more insults, but unfortunately she whispered so I could not catch it.

"Oh, that's adorable."

I buried my face back in the book.

"He's never gonna notice you." Was what I could hear them whispering.

"Still...I'd like it if he could at least...understand my feelings."

"She likes ya." Heiji said.

"I'm already aware of that."

"Then why don't ya take the chance?"

"Because someone would probably die."

"That would make it more fun!" He exclaimed, before looking at me seriously. "Ya know, Kudo, sometimes I feel you hold too much stuff back."

I looked at him in surprise.

"Seems like ya deal with everythin' alone. But yer not alone, ya got me, and Mouri-san, so why don't ya uh, trust in us when yer upset?"

"I do"

"We're friends, right?"

"Yeah."

"Kudo, I hate it when you give me the one-word answers."

"Yeah."

"How come ya didn't overreact to seein' me shrink?"

Oh, crap, there was a plot twist I didn't see coming.

He'd got me there.

"Uh...I saw something in a movie like that once." I lied.

"I don't know why you weren't freakin' out about it."

"Hattori, you were unconscious at the time, I'm sure I was freaking out."

"Oh, well sorry about that, don't wanna jump down your throat, then, Kudo."

One of these days I might get caught. One of these days.


End file.
